Entered my cabin this morning to see Fairholme shitting on my desk and screeching about Szechuan Dipping Sauce!
James Fitzjames
@fitzjames.bsky.social
I fucked my way into this mess, and by God I’ll fuck my way out.
Having a uniquely horrible night after being press ganged to star as the titular character in the crew's all-nude musical production of Uncut Gems!
Five Times The Animatronic Fox On Splash Mountain Addressed Me By Name And Told Me He Was Going To Marry My Dad
Just received some wonderful minimalist design tips from Sir Barrow himself, who assures me that I'll be looking like a sickly bird in a shoebox in no time!
Had a horrible week with Captain Crozier, who responded to everything I said with "didn't ask, don't care, plus you're British"!
Playing unpaid & suicidal therapist to Surgeon Stanley, who tells me his religious conflict is rooted in the fact that he'd like the Pope to dom him!
Farewell, lads! I'm being sent off to super hell after confessing my love for Francis!
My feet metamorph into crocodiles and try to devour me whole. My arms, head and genitals are bitten off. That's Tuesday for you!
Welcome, lads! The mind meld destroys all illusions and opens our eyes to the truth!
Threatened with execution by Captain Crozier, who's upset that I promised him Taco Bell & gave him bologna in a tortilla!
Irritated with Hornsby, who insists that his rank be amended to “Booty-Shaking Son of a Gun”!
People ask me all the time, what’s it like to be a sex symbol? Well, it’s- [FITZJAMES DIES OF SCURVY]
Exhausted by mediating the latest dispute among the seamen. Strong continuously claims Hornby cannot file a class action lawsuit, as he has no class, gets no action, and does not own a suit!
Unable to attend this morning's wardroom meeting after finding myself skinamarinked!
Hi Reddit! I’m James Fitzjames, Captain of the HMS Erebus, and I died. Ask me anything!
Forced to amputate Fairholme's hands after he wouldn't stop editing the wiki pages of cartoon women to describe how they're unbearably beautiful and insanely sexy!
James Fitzjames And Francis Crozier Have An Unsatisfying Fuck In A Dirty Pond As "Simple And Clean" Plays From A Distant Radio [HD REUPLOAD]
Court Awards Graham Gore Fifteen Million In FurAffinity Lawsuit
So sorry, Collins, but I can't suck the juice from your open sores right now. I'm quite busy writing this Ryuk/Reader Death Note one-shot.
I've recently been advised by Sir John to "be cool, be wild, and be groovy"!
Hello there, sailor! I love your tote! Yes, lad I love your tote too and the activism awareness slogan! Lol thank you it's very progressive and Idea. Hey, I have some seal meat in my tote- would you like to share it with me? Id be delighted, sailor, I love seal meat it's very trending.
Forced into hibernation by Osmer, who insists it's the only way to survive the coming Snickers™️-brand Nuclear Whunger!
Exhausted with MacBean, who won't stop talking about how the ship's recent rat infestation is proof that nature is healing!