flowerstrangle

@flowerstrangle.bsky.social

I make stuff and it's weird

I think getting older just means withdrawing from people and pretending you don't have interests anymore for some reason because it's easier to exist less? I don't even know how to have online friends anymore like when I was younger let alone irl friends

I still get shaky remembering some of the cruelest meanest things people have said to me on phones. Sometimes back to back swearing and insults. I need to turn off that part of my brain in order to hold onto this job again bc otherwise I will be a shaky crying mess way too easily. Chat is that PTSD

I Am So Glad That AI Is Revolutionizing The Workplace While I Drag My Face Across The Concrete Leaving A Bloody Trail Of My Dismembered Body And Job Applications And AI Tailored Resumes Feeding My Fingers And Entrails To My Own Death Which Will Come At The Hand Of High Purity Helium

I can't escape the sensation that if I cannot produce, I should just kill myself. I am not worth the value of my own labor. Stability and consistent work are so far away and out of reach. Experience doesn't mean shit. It doesn't matter and if I can't give my body away to stay alive then why live

i think recruiters asking a candidate to complete a personality test only to then ghost without an interview is its own circle of hell. not only am i professionally shit but also my personality must be shit too :)