In an absolutely feral dive bar in Portland last night with Gothson II. He suggests we strike up conversations with the locals by asking them about their favourite episode of Portlandia. Shit stirirng little fucker. So proud *sniff*

The exotic ways of ‘ Beyant’

Of course looking like a derpy gobshite on hols is not restricted to the Gothsons.

One of my favourite things to do on holiday with the Gothsons is insist on family selfies/group gothographs (special camera for the light adverse) I’ll fire off about 20 shots and capture them with utterly gormless/annoyed faces after the initial 2 or 3. I have derpy folders for each son.

The dream of the 90s is alive in…

Looking at Wildberries logistic centres burn in Russia. I am engulfed in envy Me: “O Satan, I’ve seen what you have done for others and….” Satan: “ Shurrup ta fuck. in the words of my most powerful prophet ,Daniel O’ Donnell, “ It Is No Secret” you gowl. Me: “ He said I’m a gowl?” Satan: “No”.

Took the Fenian Broomstick out for a longish spin today. Had a nice coffee on a patio and nearly punched the owner of a 12 week old Aussie shepherd puppy in order to dognap the wee dote. As you do. “ He would have a MUCH better life with me instead of that dolt.” actually passed through my head.

Made it to Ithaca in a hour, like. Don’t get all the fuss about this Uselesses lad. Shit drills at the navigation, bud. OBVIOUSLY.

Sharon Horgan (that woman has the FILTHIEST laugh and I love it) or Aisling Bea. Maybe Christopher Walken for the craic.

Nanoraptor@nanoraptor.danamania.com · 2w ago

You suddenly get a narrator describing your life and there’s no way to turn it off - everyone can hear it. While shopping, at work, at home, with friends - the voice narrating your every move goes on. Who do you hope is the voice of this narrator?

I feel like the doormat here has already spoken for me.

This is my Feuriger Geist-Hodensackwerfer. It werfs Feuriger Geist-Hodensacks.

Now it’s UPS turn for a dragging. Paying through the fucking nose and blocking time off work so I can be home to sign for an important piece of kit. Thieving fucking liar cunts sending an email at midnight saying it’s delayed another 24 hrs. Where’s my fucking refund then? Cuuuuuuunts!

I’m at the car dealership getting a key programmed. There is some class of Jesus bothering reptile pretending to have found a bible . She’s asking everyone in the waiting area if it’s theirs. Please, please, please, please ask me. I will give you fucking stroke when you see what I do with it.

Shout out to the urgent ‘care’ that missed the fracture….16 days ago! Podiatrist wanted to throw rubbish bins through their windows on my behalf. Paying through the nose for dogshit health ‘care’. Somehow America gets to be the worst of both methodologies yet again.

Oooo Thierry Henry is throwing the teddy out of the pram.

Is it just me being utterly useless on the ground or are all coffee cup lids* a fraction of a millimetre too small for the cups lately? * Don’t come at me moaning about single use plastics. I get it. I avoid wherever possible but sometimes I can’t swerve it1

While I am positively BATHING in English misery at the moment can we PLEASE go back to loathing Messi et al . as soon as possible.

Uh, lads…. I really am getting messages through my telly.

The fools pay me for this.

Occasionally I throw a fright into my fiends by doing something so unusual they question my sanity/health. To see if they’re paying attention. This time I wore a neon pink swimsuit to the pool and triggered more than a few questions. Mainly variants of “ Are you having a stroke?”

I need a new red marker.

It was far too early/late to be confronted with this. Makes me want to punch whoever designed it in the taint. This is what happens when you give techbros too many cocaine/ketamine enemas and access to wind tunnels.

Shite! Dad’s here. Surprise inspection. Everybody look evil.

I spoke* to Mitch McConnell for twenty minutes tonight. On my Necrophone. ‘Cos the cunt is dead. * It was mainly a lengthy harangue and preview of the many red hot pokers going up his bum.

Belgium have form for being horrible colonial cunts but fair play for hoofing the US. No chance of a US-England match now. That possibility opened the door to some VERY dark and blasphemous thoughts there altogether. The shades of Fenian ancestors can rest easy now.

Airport drones demanded all tenants turn in their access cards for new photo ID ones. They demanded a photo. I sent a headshot with a heap of fake facial piercings from an app. The fools approved the pic and the new card awaits at the FBO.

I’ve half a mind on me to get one of those Belgian footy shirts and get a bit kinky.

Up yer holes, USA.

Manneken Pis

Alt: gif depicting a crudely animated Manneken Pis waving his willy about in gleeful abandon.

static.klipy.com

I hope Belgium absolutely stuffs the US up their own arses.