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Surprised Eel Historian, PhD

@greenleejw.bsky.social

Surprised historian, not surprised eels. Doctor of medieval things. Talkin’ eels, history, and maps. Spaniel mourner. Alt-text artist. I draw custom maps and artwork on commission: https://surprisedeelmaps.com/ Support me here: patreon.com/SurprisedEel

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Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 1h ago

It's Wednesday, & you're wondering: "What were the smallest, & the largest, annual eel-rent in 12th C. England?" Well, I'm here to help! The smallest was 22 eels, from Hoddeston, for Sir Geoffrey Mandeville. The largest was 75,000 eels, from Harmston, for Earl Hugh of Chester. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Colored drawing of premodern-looking people wading knee and hip deep in a stream with nets and traps. There are 10 people in the water, and 2 in a boat pulling up a heavy net. There is some serious fishing going on here; they all look quite intent. It's not explicitly clear that they are fishing for eels; in fact, one of the men is holding a fish in the net that looks like it has a non-eel-like tail. But also, several of them are holding what look like wicker eel traps. So who knows? The best bet is that the artist had no idea. We can imagine that this is a scene from 1483, and that these are villagers catching silver eels during their downstream migration. It's a party, and they are all happy (despite their seriousness). Beyond being delighted over their catch, they are thrilled at a deep level to know that YOU won't have any of their eels. They love to fish, but hate to share. Get your own eels, gentle reader. Meme text reads: "One fish, two fish 75,000 owed to Hugh fish"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · yesterday

Q: What do you get the man who has everything? A: A happy afterlife! Q: How do you do that? A: Eels. Obviously. In about 1500 Ralph de Baliol agreed to pay 2000 eels per year to get the monks at Castle Acre Priory, near King's Lynn, to pray for the soul of his lord, Earl Warren. 🗃️🧪

Medieval colored drawing showing a man wearing a crown praying to heaven. Above him, in the clouds, is a figure with a halo looking back down at him. The man had a long white beard that is well-kept; if we can only hope that he keeps his kingdom as well as he keeps his beard. His hair is long and flowing, and he is wearing white robes. His hands are clasped in front of him, and his gaze is to the skies. Behind him are mountains, and he seems to be in the wilderness. The figure in the clouds is probably a saint, and is drawn somewhat more hazily. This suggests that it is St. Bernadino, the patron saint of marketing. The saint has long gray hair and he looks less put together than the king. He's raising a finger as if to say, "Hold on there, hoss. What have you done for me lately?" The answer, of course, needs to be eels. Surely nothing else will do. Meme text reads: "Your account balance is low Please deposit more eels To speak with the Almighty"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · yesterday

Q: What do you get the man who has everything? A: A happy afterlife! Q: How do you do that? A: Eels. Obviously. In about 1500 Ralph de Baliol agreed to pay 2000 eels per year to get the monks at Castle Acre Priory, near King's Lynn, to pray for the soul of his lord, Earl Warren. 🗃️🧪

Medieval colored drawing showing a man wearing a crown praying to heaven. Above him, in the clouds, is a figure with a halo looking back down at him. The man had a long white beard that is well-kept; if we can only hope that he keeps his kingdom as well as he keeps his beard. His hair is long and flowing, and he is wearing white robes. His hands are clasped in front of him, and his gaze is to the skies. Behind him are mountains, and he seems to be in the wilderness. The figure in the clouds is probably a saint, and is drawn somewhat more hazily. This suggests that it is St. Bernadino, the patron saint of marketing. The saint has long gray hair and he looks less put together than the king. He's raising a finger as if to say, "Hold on there, hoss. What have you done for me lately?" The answer, of course, needs to be eels. Surely nothing else will do. Meme text reads: "Your account balance is low Please deposit more eels To speak with the Almighty"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 2d ago

There's a fun eel mention in Henry IV, when Falstaff slags young Hal's aggressively slight stature: “’Sblood, you starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish!” ‘Cause that’s how you speak truth to skinny power, damn it. 1/4 🗃️🧪

Meme. Painting of Falstaff and a young Prince Hal, who is dragging a sword.Falstaff is enormous; a round mountain of a man in high boots that could hold enough mead to ruin your evening (and morning). He is wearing a fancy belt, and his hat has an ostrich feather plume. His arms are behind his back, and he is looking over his shoulder at Hal. Beneath his walrus mustache he is speaking truths and lies in equal measure, wrapping them around each other like lovers in an airplane bathroom. If you give this man your bacon sandwich, it will be gone when you come back, and he will have a fantastic tale about pirates and a large penguin. All while wiping grease from his doublet. For his part, Hall is slight and small. Dressed in red and uncertain to his core, he is chewing on a finger. He looks like he'd get beat up at recess. And mocked. But when he grows into that sword, he's gonna mock castles down. Meme text reads: "Bring me my book of eel insults I've got a prince to drag"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 2d ago

There's a fun eel mention in Henry IV, when Falstaff slags young Hal's aggressively slight stature: “’Sblood, you starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish!” ‘Cause that’s how you speak truth to skinny power, damn it. 1/4 🗃️🧪

Meme. Painting of Falstaff and a young Prince Hal, who is dragging a sword.Falstaff is enormous; a round mountain of a man in high boots that could hold enough mead to ruin your evening (and morning). He is wearing a fancy belt, and his hat has an ostrich feather plume. His arms are behind his back, and he is looking over his shoulder at Hal. Beneath his walrus mustache he is speaking truths and lies in equal measure, wrapping them around each other like lovers in an airplane bathroom. If you give this man your bacon sandwich, it will be gone when you come back, and he will have a fantastic tale about pirates and a large penguin. All while wiping grease from his doublet. For his part, Hall is slight and small. Dressed in red and uncertain to his core, he is chewing on a finger. He looks like he'd get beat up at recess. And mocked. But when he grows into that sword, he's gonna mock castles down. Meme text reads: "Bring me my book of eel insults I've got a prince to drag"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 3d ago

Very early in the pandemic, I spent 2 terrible weeks in isolation, unable to breathe or walk across the room. Waiting my temp. to spike. Worrying about my kids. Fighting against dying. In the middle of this covid revisionist, anti-vax bullshit, it was worth saying what that felt like:

Poem titled "Gnawed." The text of the poem reads: Gnawed Kalends of April, 2020 I can feel the rat, dark and angry, buried in the furrows of my chest, trying hard to pull apart the fiber of my breathing. Twisting. Writhing. Clawing with a feral-hearted hatred at the bonds that sinew soul to skin. I cannot walk across the room without the rasping of its teeth along the inside of my ribs, or speak without it screaming in the shallows of my breath. I can only lie beyond the borders of my life, checking the thermometer a hundred times a day as all the while I am being eaten from the inside out. – John Wyatt Greenlee
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 3d ago

Very early in the pandemic, I spent 2 terrible weeks in isolation, unable to breathe or walk across the room. Waiting my temp. to spike. Worrying about my kids. Fighting against dying. In the middle of this covid revisionist, anti-vax bullshit, it was worth saying what that felt like:

Poem titled "Gnawed." The text of the poem reads: Gnawed Kalends of April, 2020 I can feel the rat, dark and angry, buried in the furrows of my chest, trying hard to pull apart the fiber of my breathing. Twisting. Writhing. Clawing with a feral-hearted hatred at the bonds that sinew soul to skin. I cannot walk across the room without the rasping of its teeth along the inside of my ribs, or speak without it screaming in the shallows of my breath. I can only lie beyond the borders of my life, checking the thermometer a hundred times a day as all the while I am being eaten from the inside out. – John Wyatt Greenlee
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 5d ago

So you've got a fishpond, & you love eels. Should you put eels in your fishpond? The Fleta, a 13th C. book on English common law, says NO. They'll eat the other fish, then eat each other. Then the remaining ones will just leave overland for a better home. Don't do it, friends. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Medieval drawing of a fish, looking rather worried. You are looking at in in profile, so you can only see one eye. But it is open wide with concern. The fish's mouth is turned down in a fearful frown, and it radiates an "Oh shit!" vibe. The fish has something a cute little nose, and some lovely scales, but it doesn't care at about that right now. Vanity takes second place to existential threats. The fish feels like he should be named Clem. And Clem is full of shock and despair just now. To get a sense for his expression, imagine a mid-teenager accidentally walking in on their parents having sex. And not, like, plain ol' vanilla sex. Something wildly, inappropriately, off-the-charts kinky. Devices and lotions and spare batteries are strewn about. The sheets are rubber, and the neighbors are in the corner filming. There are tins of Spam. Now...pan the camera back to the teenager. That look...that expression? That's Clem right now. Meme text reads: "TFW They put eels in your pond"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 5d ago

So you've got a fishpond, & you love eels. Should you put eels in your fishpond? The Fleta, a 13th C. book on English common law, says NO. They'll eat the other fish, then eat each other. Then the remaining ones will just leave overland for a better home. Don't do it, friends. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Medieval drawing of a fish, looking rather worried. You are looking at in in profile, so you can only see one eye. But it is open wide with concern. The fish's mouth is turned down in a fearful frown, and it radiates an "Oh shit!" vibe. The fish has something a cute little nose, and some lovely scales, but it doesn't care at about that right now. Vanity takes second place to existential threats. The fish feels like he should be named Clem. And Clem is full of shock and despair just now. To get a sense for his expression, imagine a mid-teenager accidentally walking in on their parents having sex. And not, like, plain ol' vanilla sex. Something wildly, inappropriately, off-the-charts kinky. Devices and lotions and spare batteries are strewn about. The sheets are rubber, and the neighbors are in the corner filming. There are tins of Spam. Now...pan the camera back to the teenager. That look...that expression? That's Clem right now. Meme text reads: "TFW They put eels in your pond"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 6d ago

Starting around 1000 CE, the English began building lots of mill dams, and this blocked the migration pathways of lots of fish! Oh no! But eels can live out of water for a while, & travel overland if need be. So they could migrate around or over medieval dams. Eels FTW! 1/2 🗃️🧪

Meme. Image of a medieval mill and eel trap from the 14th C. Luttrell Psalter. This is a small illumination on the bottom of a folio (page). You can see the mill and dam and an overshot mill wheel. Upstream there are two eel traps, made of wicker. It's a place where "the daily grind" takes on real meaning. You can see eels in the traps, so you know that there is good fishing happening! It has been suggested that this mill represents one that Sir Geoffrey Luttrell actually owned, and so likely those eels were due to him in rent. There are flowered decorations around the mill, as a part of the folio's border decor. You could imagine the miller opening up the mill door every morning, stretching, and thinking: "Another beautiful day grinding corn and wrangling eels for Lord Luttrell!" Or he might instead wish to leave it all behind and start a new life as a riverboat gambler named Beauregard T. Sharp. You never know with millers. Meme text reads: "Dam you salmon! Give me my eels!"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · last wk.

In 1544 an English merchant in Calais named Otwell Johnson wrote to his brother John, & asked him to remind their sister to buy some eels in London for Lent. Which is basically the 16th C. version of texting someone to stop by the store on the way home. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Medieval illumination of a woman drawing. She is sitting at a desk, and writing in a book with her right hand. Her left hand is holding something that looks like it might be a Twizzler. There is a box on the table, which looks like it holds her pen (and her Twizzlers). At her feet is a small dog, groaking like it's going out of style. The woman is sitting in a high-backed chair, and is indoors, under a window. She is wearing a blue gown is draping sleeves, and a white hennin with roses on it. She's clearly wealthier than I am. Without any contradictory evidence, we can assume that the woman is writing a sort of Beowulf / City of Ladies fanfic crossover piece, called something like "Grendel and Berit" in which a strong northern prince gangs up with a swamp monster to try to shake down a group of women who are building a mead hall on a moor. The women tear his arms off and send him home to mamma. Meme text reads: "Dear Otwell, Get your own damned eels. These ones are mine."
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · last wk.

In 1544 an English merchant in Calais named Otwell Johnson wrote to his brother John, & asked him to remind their sister to buy some eels in London for Lent. Which is basically the 16th C. version of texting someone to stop by the store on the way home. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Medieval illumination of a woman drawing. She is sitting at a desk, and writing in a book with her right hand. Her left hand is holding something that looks like it might be a Twizzler. There is a box on the table, which looks like it holds her pen (and her Twizzlers). At her feet is a small dog, groaking like it's going out of style. The woman is sitting in a high-backed chair, and is indoors, under a window. She is wearing a blue gown is draping sleeves, and a white hennin with roses on it. She's clearly wealthier than I am. Without any contradictory evidence, we can assume that the woman is writing a sort of Beowulf / City of Ladies fanfic crossover piece, called something like "Grendel and Berit" in which a strong northern prince gangs up with a swamp monster to try to shake down a group of women who are building a mead hall on a moor. The women tear his arms off and send him home to mamma. Meme text reads: "Dear Otwell, Get your own damned eels. These ones are mine."
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · last wk.

Related to my weekend of driving: This is Just to Say I have used up the patience that was in the glovebox and which you were probably saving for the children on roadtrips Forgive me I was in traffic And other drivers were so stupid and so wrong

Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · last wk.

Medieval landlords collected eels in rent, but they also sometimes paid them out. In the 1250s, the Bishop of Ely had 94 tenants in Tydd St. Giles who had to spend several days each year farming him. And on those days the Bishop owed them each some bread, some cheese, & 5 eels. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Medieval painting of three laborers harvesting grain under the eye of an overseer. The workers are bent over their work, sickles in hand. One is wearing red and looks thoughtful. One is wearing blue, with a blue hood. The third laborer is wearing brown clothes and a black hat. He is frowning. They are all hungry, and their daydreams are full of eels. The overseer is leaning on one stick, and pointing towards the laborers with another. He is wearing a blue tunic and an orange shirt underneath. He has a wide brimmed hat and a hunting horn. He has the air of a man who hands out eels only grudgingly. The sickles & the painting's red background suggest a Soviet theme, which, at first blush, seems unlikely given how time seems to work. But we should not dismiss the possibility of a wormhole that connects 20th C. nationalist propaganda to medieval art. After all, no one yet has proven it's not true. Meme text reads: "Stop slacking off, Alfred... or I'm gonna eat your eels"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · last wk.

Medieval landlords collected eels in rent, but they also sometimes paid them out. In the 1250s, the Bishop of Ely had 94 tenants in Tydd St. Giles who had to spend several days each year farming him. And on those days the Bishop owed them each some bread, some cheese, & 5 eels. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Medieval painting of three laborers harvesting grain under the eye of an overseer. The workers are bent over their work, sickles in hand. One is wearing red and looks thoughtful. One is wearing blue, with a blue hood. The third laborer is wearing brown clothes and a black hat. He is frowning. They are all hungry, and their daydreams are full of eels. The overseer is leaning on one stick, and pointing towards the laborers with another. He is wearing a blue tunic and an orange shirt underneath. He has a wide brimmed hat and a hunting horn. He has the air of a man who hands out eels only grudgingly. The sickles & the painting's red background suggest a Soviet theme, which, at first blush, seems unlikely given how time seems to work. But we should not dismiss the possibility of a wormhole that connects 20th C. nationalist propaganda to medieval art. After all, no one yet has proven it's not true. Meme text reads: "Stop slacking off, Alfred... or I'm gonna eat your eels"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · last wk.

Related to my weekend of driving: This is Just to Say I have used up the patience that was in the glovebox and which you were probably saving for the children on roadtrips Forgive me I was in traffic And other drivers were so stupid and so wrong

Alexandra Almond@alexandraalmond.bsky.social · 2w ago

BOOKSHOP MAGIC; where you'll find the book you need. It’s always raining outside but cozy inside, your favourite armchair will be free, and the bookshop dog will curl up with you to read. Best of all; on your birthday you can read your favourite book for the first time again. #questpit #Q #P #RF #S

A magical-looking floorplan of a bookshop. The rooms are named (Pooh Corner, The Scriptorium, Gurgler, Yellow, Possibility, Exeunt Omnes, Taboo, The Fishbowl). The bookshop animals are in the margins: Willow the golden retriever, Spike and Angel the cats, and Drusilla the huntsman spider.
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 2w ago

Eel metaphors have been with us as long as we've been eating eels -- so a long time. The ancient Greeks certainly had their share. In his play "The Knights" Aristophanes (d.386 BCE) compares demagogues to eel fishermen who had to muddy the waters before they could make a profit. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Black and White drawing of Aristophanes. He is facing to your right, so you're getting mostly a profile of him. His hair is short and curly. His beard is long and curly. His thoughts are deep and curly. It is safe to assume that he prefers curly fries (or chips, if you like) to any other kind. He is wearing a robe over his right shoulder, and his left shoulder is bare. He will almost certainly have a curious tan line. He is mighty intense looking. His eyebrows are sharpened against disaster, and his eyes are piercing like a shrike's dinner plate. His sallow cheeks suggest that he would rather think than eat. He does not look like a fun time. The dark background suggests a nighttime scene, & you can imagine that he is staring at his neighbors, who are having a campfire in their back yard. There is mutton roasting, & marshmallows, & general hilarity. He is not amused, and is somewhat appalled at their choice of wines. Meme text reads: "Drain the swamp & Eat the eels"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 2w ago

Eel metaphors have been with us as long as we've been eating eels -- so a long time. The ancient Greeks certainly had their share. In his play "The Knights" Aristophanes (d.386 BCE) compares demagogues to eel fishermen who had to muddy the waters before they could make a profit. 🗃️🧪

Meme. Black and White drawing of Aristophanes. He is facing to your right, so you're getting mostly a profile of him. His hair is short and curly. His beard is long and curly. His thoughts are deep and curly. It is safe to assume that he prefers curly fries (or chips, if you like) to any other kind. He is wearing a robe over his right shoulder, and his left shoulder is bare. He will almost certainly have a curious tan line. He is mighty intense looking. His eyebrows are sharpened against disaster, and his eyes are piercing like a shrike's dinner plate. His sallow cheeks suggest that he would rather think than eat. He does not look like a fun time. The dark background suggests a nighttime scene, & you can imagine that he is staring at his neighbors, who are having a campfire in their back yard. There is mutton roasting, & marshmallows, & general hilarity. He is not amused, and is somewhat appalled at their choice of wines. Meme text reads: "Drain the swamp & Eat the eels"
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 2w ago

Buying redemption w/ eels wasn't just a medieval English thing. Oh, no! In 1500 the Duke of Ferarra wanted nuns in Florence to pray for him. But that kinda thing ain't free, & to get his prayers the duke had to make regular payments of eels to the sisters. Soul food, y'all.

Meme. Portrait d'Alphonse dEste, Duke of Ferarra, by Titian. The Duke is a big man -- possibly even portly -- with gray hair and a trimmed beard. He is wearing sumptuous clothing, trimmed with fur. His sleeves are gold, and his left hand is resting on a sword at his side. The way his fingers are resting, he seems to be flipping you off. He probably is. With his right arm, the Duke is leaning casually on the end of a large cannon, which also looks a little like a giant top hat. This makes it easy to imagine him not as a warlike duke, but as a circus ringmaster. He would not like that thought. The Duke's nose is somewhat flat, as if he'd run hard into a wall, and though he is faced towards your left his eyes are cutting back to you. His expression says he doesn't hate you; he might even be a little curious. But he's skeptical about your motives, and probably your appearance. You better have a good reason for interrupting Cannon Time. Meme text reads: "Hey, Eel Maries! (full of grace and eels)
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 2w ago

Buying redemption w/ eels wasn't just a medieval English thing. Oh, no! In 1500 the Duke of Ferarra wanted nuns in Florence to pray for him. But that kinda thing ain't free, & to get his prayers the duke had to make regular payments of eels to the sisters. Soul food, y'all.

Meme. Portrait d'Alphonse dEste, Duke of Ferarra, by Titian. The Duke is a big man -- possibly even portly -- with gray hair and a trimmed beard. He is wearing sumptuous clothing, trimmed with fur. His sleeves are gold, and his left hand is resting on a sword at his side. The way his fingers are resting, he seems to be flipping you off. He probably is. With his right arm, the Duke is leaning casually on the end of a large cannon, which also looks a little like a giant top hat. This makes it easy to imagine him not as a warlike duke, but as a circus ringmaster. He would not like that thought. The Duke's nose is somewhat flat, as if he'd run hard into a wall, and though he is faced towards your left his eyes are cutting back to you. His expression says he doesn't hate you; he might even be a little curious. But he's skeptical about your motives, and probably your appearance. You better have a good reason for interrupting Cannon Time. Meme text reads: "Hey, Eel Maries! (full of grace and eels)
Surprised Eel Historian, PhD@greenleejw.bsky.social · 3w ago

Maybe the fanciest medieval eel recipe was the French "reversed eel." How do you make it? Well... First, you skin & debone the eel. Then, sew it back together inside out, stuffed with bread crumbs, meats & spices. Then, cook it in red wine. Kind of a super-fancy eel hot pocket! 🗃️🧪

Meme. Photograph of two eels, out of the water, sitting side by side on the grass. They are silvery looking on the top, but you can see that their undersides are white. They are shiny, & look exactly as slippery as you would imagine. The one on the left is longer. He is looking towards his right, though his eye is fixed on the future. The shorter eel on the right is looking more straight ahead. It's mouth is open in a look of abject surprise. I'd like you to imagine that these two eels don't know each other, but they are waiting for the same bus. They are both on their way downtown, to interview for the same job at a major marketing firm. Neither knows this about the other, and they are caught up in their own worries. The eel on the left has been unemployed for 8 months, & worries that this is its last shot. The eel on the right just realized that it left its resume on the dining room table. Neither will get the job. Meme text reads: "But we're already stuffed with eel!"