🚨 BREAKING: US President Donald Trump was reportedly spotted openly consorting with members of the Thalmor
Getting annoyed by the pixie that’s just flown up to give me a quest and swatting it out of the air like a fly
Iconic lord of the rings characters if they were woke: Gandalf the Gay Dildo Shaggins The One Cock Ring to Rule Them All Samwise Gaygee Bisexual Gollum Saruman of Many Colors
People keep telling me things like “you need to take off the amulet” and “it’s power is corrupting you” They’re clearly just jealous of the bond between me and the amulet and want to take it for themselves
A man crossed my path in the parking lot of a Bojangles so I struck him down where he stood
This kind of mixed use urban planning is illegal in America
Picked up a sword and it started whispering to me
Demons don’t even bargain for your soul anymore they just look at you like this
Gestures to make you more feminine and elegant
Its cause you're always pondering that damn orb
My scheming vizier when I start to cough after taking a swig of wine from my goblet
Watching my friend recite random pages from the wizard’s spellbook we stole and they accidentally cast fireball centered on themself
