Why is the leopard bad at hide and seek? Because he's always spotted --------------------------------- The tiger wanted to be a referee since he looked good in stripes

It seems like a small thing, but the earth's rotation really makes my day

Back in the caveman days, the kid's game "Rock, Paper Scissors" was just "Rock"

Someone stole every bulb out of all of my lamps, now I'm delighted

The only skin on skin contact between us now is when she slaps me

When we're kissing and canoodling, I swear part of her brain's on chores

He is now married to wife number five, broke but still optimistic ------------------------------------- I do hope when Trump's shit does fly, Republicans are his biggest fans

We pulled into a rest stop near midnight just to look up at the stars

Pure as a baby no hatred, no malice, just love, pure baby love

Why do all birds love nachos? It's less about the cheese, mostly the cheeps

Why did the killer whale play the drums? Because lead guitar was taken

Jeff is just like the beer he holds, full-bodied but the head's just bubbles

I hid a surprise in bed for her and she played with it for hours -------------------------------- There's a bit more blue in the sky, the orange from the fires lessened

I hid a surprise in bed for her and she found it rather quickly

It's so hot today, sitting in this car seat feels more like a skillet

The air quality is so poor, my exhaust pipe is running cleaner

Forty-five minutes until sunset, Vacation Day 1 almost done

In his haiku, he changed the names to protect the not so innocent

When it came to his thoughts on marijuana use, Todd took the high road --------------------------------- When putting bridles on the horses, Meghan will do it bit by bit

John was a very cocky pirate. He put the smug in smuggler

Is the car locked? It's Schrodinger's lock, we'll never... BOOP BOOP Oh... it's locked

There are times being older has its benefits, but only sometimes

The jets keep flying over us while we're standing here waiting, waiting

She says there's twenty minutes before they open. My watch says nineteen

I wear rainbows on my shoes for those days when the sunshine is hiding ----------------------------------------- Twenty minutes to go when I have maybe ten minutes of patience

This Summer breeze helps me to survive August and maybe September

My stomach says I'm hungry, but security says ten more minutes

Forty minutes to go before the doors open, I hope I make it

She used vodka in the tapioca, so the proof's in the pudding

It somehow feels wrong that I'm scheduled to work on this Labor Day