sometimes weed tastes a little bit like peanut butter, and I'm OK with that

my birthday is Friday Feeling kind of hateful this year so my birthday present to myself is taking a day off work and just hanging out and resting

not these beautiful men out here with beautiful boyfriends looking like magazine covers, complaining about how ugly they are baby, you are not qualified to rate yourself. You literally can't see from where you are standing 

OK, so are those bucket hats supposed to be so comically ugly that they're cute? Like pugs? It just looks like a bucket of shit

I only do two things 1. suck dick 2. want to go to the Four Seasons Orlando

there are no straight people on my island

arms done. time to go ejaculate somewhere

my vision somehow, anytime an ad pops up on my phone screen Like I literally just don't even process or read it, I just look for that X in the corner 

Derp Derp Cat

ALT: Derp Derp Cat

static.klipy.com

lol I was on this bar patio and I noticed some guy intensely yelling at everyone else about sex trafficking happening on the bar patio and Epstein, etc About a minute later, the cops showed up and dragged him out of here and everyone clapped. Like they literally clapped 

ok they really did the theme

not this 24-year-old 1000 miles away in a relationship, calling me this we need to stop kidding ourselves. Gay or straight, men are trash 

funny how you can stop talking to someone for over a decade and forget they exist, but they keep a war going in their head the whole time… Like you are somehow their arch nemesis but they are only a distant memory to you

not the coworker posting a "god morning" gif in the Teams chat

me, when I'm hooking up with a guy, but I know i won't cum *shrug* I don't have to gooooo

I still feel like it's better not to waste anyone's time than to message them back if you are not into them I am truly not a part of this conversation 

Holy shit, they made a poop computer www.kohlerhealth.com

my face when someone is actively making plans with me because I know they are going to forget, and it's not going to happen 

Yikes Eleanor Shellstrop

ALT: Yikes Eleanor Shellstrop

static.klipy.com

if you are going to steal somebody's EBT card, maybe don't get the groceries delivered because then we can all see where you live and then you are fucked Because I've seen more than one example of this in the last few weeks 

i've been kind of stuck on the 160 lb chest fly for months, but I whipped through it today like it was nothing. Going to go up a weight next time

if you ever think there's no place for you in this world, remember: thoughts don't just come out of nowhere. You are probably right. Go away.

tfw you come back to work on Monday to a surprise meeting with just you and your supervisor

what does it mean if you are not attracted to anyone on any of the apps or in real life? Do I just not like guys anymore? 

Debby Ryan as Patty: Is the Demon Gone?

ALT: Debby Ryan as Patty: Is the Demon Gone?

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i'm a MESS tonight I tried to order a soda water just to not drink, and also support the bar, but I called it the wrong thing, and he made me a cocktail, so I was like fuck it, and just got the cocktail And then, my dumb ass handed him my driver's license to pay for it Put me to bed 

tfw the guy you are too nervous to approach hooks up with the guy you are least attracted to right in front of you it's also a good reminder that hotness hierarchies are bullshit 

I saw a guy sucking his thumb at the bar

when you finally decide to get to the point, and it works out

 when you are behind a Waymo and you know they are going to be a fucking prude about the yellow lights

me and my shadow hitting the town

luck is with me today I somehow knew exactly when to leave the park to go to the Chinese place to get the very last of the noodles before they ran out