Nancy Reagan's joke on this was "Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, you can get rid of him for WEEKENDS."
alexis simpson@amutepiggy.bsky.social · 10h ago"give a man a fish, he eats for a day." i actually think that's pretty fucking good
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain. We have an emergency situation and will be making an emergency landing shortly. Please follow all flight attendant instructions. Today's crash is brought to you by Geiko, 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance."
kc green@kcg.bsky.social · 19h agopilot just did a citibank ad read as we are landing 🛬 🆒 👍
Anyone else on hearing the news that we're almost out of missiles like, "good. Those things cause more harm than good."?
Sophocles is credited with inventing the "third actor" for plays. Before that it was always two actors (plus chorus). And I like to imagine folks at a Sophocles play when the third actor speaks, audience in shock, WHAT THE FUCK!? THIS SHIT JUST GOT INSANE!
Alien archaeologists studying human civilization: "Wait, so they NEVER had a zombie outbreak?" "No that's all made up." "Cause there's a LOT of archival stuff about zombies." "Yeah, all made up."
Not sure people are as scared as they ought to be about Blanche heading the DOJ. Yes, Bondi was terrible, but we were saved from the worst of it by her ineptitude. Blanche is something far darker. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...
Todd Blanche’s attorney general nomination will advance to full US Senate vote
Blanche, one of Trump’s most trusted legal aides, confirmed in writing that $1.8bn slush fund for president’s allies was dead
theguardian.com
"Your mother and I talked about it and we decided on a punishment." "Please don't take my phone away--" "Not that." "Okay, soccer team is my life, please don't--" "Not that. We've decided on censure. We hereby declare your conduct bad." "That it?" "Yes."
Hearsay@hearsay.bsky.social · 2d agoCommence the ritual where we pretend "censure" is an actual punishment.
Commence the ritual where we pretend "censure" is an actual punishment.
NPR@npr.org · 2d agoAfter a months-long investigation, the ethics committee recommended censure for Edwards because of "persistent unprofessional and inappropriate conduct towards two young female staffers." n.pr/4buXA7f
Ahem. The President getting to keep "audit immunity forever for bringing a frivolous suit" is kind of a problem too.
CNN@cnn.com · 2d agoDonald Trump's nominee for attorney general, Todd Blanche, said late Sunday he is formally rescinding the president's $1.8 billion "anti-weaponization fund," after Senate Republicans threatened to block his nomination over the controversial agreement. https://cnn.it/3U8d7DW
"Electability" arguments for a candidate are always bullshit.
gamera obscura@ohrobin.bsky.social · 3d agoplease pat me on the head for scrolling right past an argument on electability and not engaging
Tim Robinson: I Didn't Do This
Alt: Tim Robinson: I Didn't Do This
static.klipy.com
The Bulwark@thebulwark.com · 3d agoRep. Max Miller: "My former wife has claimed that during a custody exchange at my home that day, I assaulted her…If I had assaulted her, would she have offered to cook me dinner six days later?"
I like that websites list the product dimensions on yard sticks, 12-inch rulers, etc.
I had a someone accuse me of using AI because of an em-dash and forwarded them published writing of mine from 15 years ago with em-dashes.
Kat Tenbarge@kattenbarge.bsky.social · 4d agoSo I woke up this morning to find out that Ozzy Osbourne’s son made a video falsely accusing me of using AI to write a Rolling Stone article about the Tate brothers.
Data centers are operated by skeleton crews. It's completely absurd to talk about them as creating local jobs.
Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 5d agoHassett: "Data centers are very good for towns bc they create so many jobs & bring people in with high incomes that can buy houses & stuff like that. So if you take a sleepy town that hasn't seen much in the last 30 years & put a data center there, there are gonna be a bunch of happy residents."
McConnell's staff is like, "consistent with his final wishes, we can report that the senator is alive and active and involved in senate work."
Dude who gets busted sneaking six cannonballs on a flight being told they found his five cannonballs.
Awkward Puppet Side Eye
ALT: Awkward Puppet Side Eye
static.klipy.com
The New York Times@nytimes.com · 6d agoAt an airport in Alabama, TSA discovered five Civil War-era cannonballs in a passenger’s checked luggage.
One of the great things about typing this post is you don't have to worry about whether your grammar.
A Manhattan Project, but for cottage cheese.
Sarah Taber@sarahtaber.bsky.social · last wk.do you ever wake up with a bad idea that nobody asked for
In Avengers Kang Dynasty, the heroes eventually remove Kang from all timelines, including the one in which the movie got made, so...
My new hobby is using the phrase "historically accurate" the way conservatives do.
Hearsay@hearsay.bsky.social · 6d agoNolan's The Odyssey strongly implied that Matt Reeve's Batman could not string Odysseus's bow, which is historically inaccurate.
Normalize precise scientific protocols as a replacement for cooking recipes.
*standing up on the plane* okay so the starting point is understanding that "On Cinema at the Cinema" isn't a TV show so much as a connected web of media, from podcast to social media, all factoring into the comedy routine at the heart of which is that the characters don't care about movies at all.
Jay Edidin@edidin.bsky.social · 7d ago*standing up on the plane* okay so the first thing you need to understand when attempting to draw the Summers family tree is that the issue is less the clones than the multiple time loops. While Cyclops hasn't done anything quite so gauche as becoming his own grandfather, he is responsible for th---
The proof that thing two is a lie is that Altman and his company are on a position to do things--rigjt now--that broadly benefit humanity... and they don't.
Dare Obasanjo@carnage4life.bsky.social · last wk.“What we need to explain to the world: Number one, we are close to creating a genie that can grant any wish. Number two, we are going to make sure that our first wishes broadly benefit humanity” - Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI — This is definitely the opposite of Anthropic’s AI kills all jobs pitch.
2024 Centrists: vote blue no matter who! 2026 Centrists: stay home if the dem is DSA.
brent sewer socialist🚰🌹@therealbrent.bsky.social · 7d agoThis is absolutely insane, imagine if a progressive elected official was refusing to support Haley Stevens if she won! You’d never hear the end of it. Centrists are the ones who are dividing the Democratic Party with their Islamophobia and purity tests.
I've never quite understood why Hollywood casts Leto. He's always been, at best, moderately okay. But they always cast him like he's a proven audience draw and it doesn't seem like there's any evidence of that.
Drew Magary@drewmagary.bsky.social · last wk.That’ll be all for Jared Leto www.bbc.com/news/article...
Uh oh, she may have to step up the frequency of saying "I have the receipts." Maybe say it every other sentence.
Polling USA@usapolling.bsky.social · last wk.Michigan - DEM Senate Polling: El-Sayed: 48% Stevens: 37% Tavern Research / July 27, 2026
This is going to be so embarrassing when future generations study it. "... And they fell for this?"
Dare Obasanjo@carnage4life.bsky.social · last wk.“What we need to explain to the world: Number one, we are close to creating a genie that can grant any wish. Number two, we are going to make sure that our first wishes broadly benefit humanity” - Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI — This is definitely the opposite of Anthropic’s AI kills all jobs pitch.
It's called an RFK burger: a quarter-pound screwworm beef patty, diarrhea-parasite lettuce, slice of listeria cheddar, on a glass-fragment bun. The kids meal version comes with an unpasteurized milkshake and a rodent carcass for the kids to "experiment" with.