Don’t try to distract me with numbers, it won’t work anyway I’m bad at math
Imagine taking down an incel on the internet instead of just having a wank
If you've got a pit musk kink just move to berlin and take any straßenbahn on any day in august. You're welcome
Accidentally clicked I’m under 18 on a sex shop and got redirected to disney. I was just looking for sth to put up my ass but the humiliation felt nice too
Every time my coworker calls me bro I dissociate for a sec and pretend I’m the sub bottom in a gay frat house porno
Someone please do a psa telling people zara is not where you’re supposed to be buying fragrances
Woke up at 4:30 with a violent urge to masturbate thinking about a coworker and now he’s gonna say hi at the office like nothing happened between us
Someone today thought I was five years younger than I am and I finally got a glimpse of what makes life worth living
Made the most intense eye contact with a guy at the train station for 5 seconds but then he kept walking
I have so little going on that someone being casually nice to me at work is enough for me to develop a crush by the end of the shift
She takes down an incel on the internet when she wants to unwind? We all need healthy ways to take the edge off. Mine is thinking about death recreationally
Can’t wait until we’re nostalgic for the 2020s and have to pretend all this talk singing wasn’t fucking annoying
Now realizing that being an emo teen was not just a phase but more of a soft launch for the rest of my life
In the great tradition of porn parody titles, mine would be ‘the 30-year-old (born again) virgin’
Most days I don’t even remember I used to smoke but on bad days a cigarette butt on the pavement looks like it could fix everything for a second
Two years of silently thirsting after my barber and my biggest breakthrough is accidentally seeing that he shaves his armpits
Guy standing next to me on the tram won’t stop touching his junk, not sure if I’m being cruised or if it’s crabs
My type is the daddy modelling next to the power washer in Lidl’s weekly leaflet
I already know exactly what this says about me but when a hot guy likes me on hinge and messages first I assume it’s organized crime
Not convinced this loneliness epidemic is real because my M4M NSFW ASMR creator uploads every week
My retirement plan is making it to 74 so I can relapse into smoking and people will say its an eccentricity instead of a nasty habit
Nobody talks about how humiliating it is having to ghost someone again after unghosting them out of horniness
Miss having a work bestie bc judging everyone and smoking during breaks is just sad as a solo activity
Nothing rewrites history quite like a sudden desire to be emotionally rescued
Telling coworkers I have celiac disease so they don’t take it personally when I keep rejecting their shit snacks
Co-star says I’m a constellation of sadness and honestly the poetry is nice but I’m just relieved to finally have a diagnosis
New office crush. Do I wait for him to fall in love with me or how does this work?
This is maybe a sign I need to work through something but also what if patrick wilson choked me with his manboobs
Also I’m bringing TBT back but not in an ironic way, just for my barely concealed resentment