It's National Waffle Day. You know what to do.

Landscaping is more fun when you call it terraforming. Also when what you really mean is "I took dirt from that lumpy part of the yard and used it to fill these weird holes in another part of the yard."

I hope that someday, my kids appreciate how much more free will they have than me.

"Did you put sprinkles in the muffins?!" "No, that would be ridiculous. I put m&ms in them."

I woke up ten minutes before my alarm this morning (which was already set to Too Damn Early), and I was so tired that I forgot to add berries to the coffee cake, like a total amateur. 🙄

I think what I miss most about mp3s and music we owned was the ability to listen to three consecutive songs without a commercial break.

When I was a kid, I spent literal hours in a huge sugar maple tree that grew right beside our house. Its shade kept the house cooler in hot weather. In the fall, coming in our driveway was like approaching an enormous pile of gold.

And good morning to you, fresh blueberry scones.

9yo, to his sister: can you wait outside the door so we can talk? Moments later yelled through the bathroom door: what's your favorite color?! Her, just as loud: blue!

Wendy's lady: I just love how you're being Dad today! Me: I'm a non-stop dad. I'm dad every day. This is my job. WL: 😮 ... How do you manage that? Thanks for your patriarchy, please select from the following options: "Better than most moms." "Like a f***ing champ." "Incredibly well."

Today, on Adventures in Traditional Masculinity, I attempt to replace this crusty old bathroom drain without the help of my dad, who actually knew how to do this stuff.

My kid, as I move dinner to the table: can i just have a quesadilla? Me: no, dinner's already made, and you don't even know what it is. The last time you had it, you liked it so much you requested it for a week. K: what is it? Me: noodles, cabbage, and sausage

Writing notes is my favorite part of packing lunches.

Me: (gives a clear, simple, polite request) My child: (completely ignores me. I could be on the far side of the moon) Me: (mutters to myself, alone in a closed room) My child, from across the house: "WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME? I WANT TO KNOOOOOW!!"

"Hey, Dad, is this tooth supposed to fall out?" Me: 😧 "uhhhh..."

Walking a fine line right now between "yay, kids came to our yard to play with my kid!" and "I don't trust that particular kid to not set a fire just so he can see what happens next."

I think I've reached a tipping point in life where I attend more funerals than weddings.

What some call "unused land" is often the last safe haven for countless living creatures. Wetlands are not empty spaces waiting to be developed. They are nurseries for birds, natural water filters, flood defenses, and wildlife habitats that cannot be replaced once lost.

No oversight, no morality, no restrictions. This is not a law enforcement agency. It is his personal secret police. Stop ICE now. www.nytimes.com/2026/07/19/u...

Federal Agents Were Told FBI Will No Longer Investigate ICE Confrontations

Senior officials deny such a change is in the works, despite guidance shared with agents around the country in recent days.

nytimes.com

The Lord of the Rings is a story of how Samwise Gamgee finds his own inner strength on a journey in which he also meets his favorite fantasy world population. It's a voyage of elf discovery.

FIFA GOT THE ELECTRIC MAYHEM FOR THE HALFTIME SHOW?!

The Electric Mayhem: Animal & Janice

ALT: The Electric Mayhem: Animal & Janice

static.klipy.com

I know a couple people who have referred to me as the closest real life version of Bluey's dad they know. I've never watched a full episode, because it's something my kids usually enjoy as i finish throwing dinner together. So tonight i started bingeing my way through.

The kids are watching the #FraEng bronze match and decided that to ensure French goals, we must all scritch the dog when France has possession. I don't know if it works, but it sure works for her.

Business idea: a Vietnamese soup restaurant that teaches people how to properly pronounce menu items. I'll call it Phonics.

Go home, Wordle, you're drunk.

My children are old enough to apply their own sunscreen now, which means that my sofa, kitchen floor, and car doors are now safe from UV rays.

important meeting

The First 18 Months

A Cabinet meeting with my son, who is exactly as old as the current administration

theatlantic.com

In a surprise twist, fireworks scare the 💩 /into/ my dog.

I have done my civic duty tonight and thrown money at 🌊 political campaigns. You can do this, @amyactonoh.bsky.social !

If you're supposed to serve red wine with red pasta sauce, and white wine with white pasta sauce, if I serve pesto pasta, should I pour... absinthe?