I heard the Mattress Mack and Carlos Correa commercial on the Astros radio broadcast. If you listen closely—and I did—you can hear Carlos’ toes wiggling.
Archbishop Deshaies
@houcounterplot.bsky.social
God gives His toughest battles to His strongest warriors. Proud 5x recipient of the Orel Hershiser Award for Online Sportsmanship (2018, 2019, 2021, 2022, 2023)
I know you wouldn’t accept a check from a person with a Dallas address—but what about a Dallas last name? I want to hear your thoughts!
I left my monocle in my other Arby’s apron, so bear with me— but, after a little research, Chad appears to be Sam Dallas’ great great great great grandson. He’s the heir to the Dallas fortune and lives in the Dallas compound, which is exactly 501 feet away from Dallas Elementary.
Hill@hill713.bsky.social · 21h agoThe Blue Jays are bringing in a pitcher named Chad Dallas? Is this Sam Dallas’ brother? @houcounterplot.bsky.social
I’ve always thought of the Blue Jays as The Astros North.
Myles Straw graduated valedictorian from the Jose Altuve School of TOOTBLAN.
“Daulton, hi, this is Dana Brown. Welcome to the team. Youre playing center tonight. What size britches you wear, son?”
gwen howerton@kissphoria.bsky.social · 2d agohow long does it take to get a new jersey for daulton varsho, did they have a guy frantically ironing on letters as he walked over to his new clubhouse
Dana Brown is going to wait till tomorrow to see what’s leftover. That’s where the real value is!
Hey, this is Dana Brown of the Houston Astros. I’m currently at Arby’s and can’t find my phone. I’m currently using my friend’s device until I can find mine. Today is a big day and I really need it. Boss is pissed. If anyone sees a black Samsung, please return it to the cashier.
I know what I’d do. I’d trade away all those shitty players they have. But I don’t know anyone who’d want them!
Rangers Media Bot@rangersmediabot.bsky.social · 3d ago@Evan_P_Grant tweeted How the Rangers should approach the next 23 hours https://t.co/PPqZRl28xl
Fans of other teams have been reaching out to me all morning and apologizing for how they’ve treated us over the years.
SOURCES: I’m hearing the Houston Astros have just dealt the Texas Rangers a severe ass whipping. No word on the return, hearing it’s possibly a worn-out ass-kicking foot and scuffed up boot.
Archbishop Deshaies@houcounterplot.bsky.social · 3d agoThe Astros just made a deal! #TradeDeadline2026
The Astros just made a deal! #TradeDeadline2026
I wouldn’t trust a person who could find it on a map.
gwen howerton@kissphoria.bsky.social · 3d agoyou will never get me to recognize "arlington texas" as a real place
Swept Dallas! It’s over for you hoes. Sell your shit, bitch.
This Rangers pitcher looks 12. Smh. They certainly have a type over there. #iykyk
I have three tweets in my drafts ready to go. I have a lot to say about the Dallas Rangers.
Rangers simply can’t handle that the playing field is level and that they can no longer rely on bias and crooked umpiring.
This is how the Battle of Conroe started.
Gemma Pell@feck.bsky.social · 3d agoI will fight you, Ahlstrom.
What if this Skubal trade has the opposite effect and the Dodgers end the season dead last?
It turns out that the Astros were the good guys all along.
I’m glad the Astros cheated the Dodgers. I hope other teams cheat the Dodgers, too.
With apologies to Jimmie Dale Gilmore: Did you ever see Dallas, licking Houston's ass at night Well, Dallas ain't a jewel, Dallas is a pitiful sight And Dallas is like France, it'll lay down at a fight Did you ever see Dallas, licking Houston's ass at night