Series finale of Dempsey and Makepeace. Won't say what happens but I will say this: she deserved better. I've written a letter. Not going to send it but I've written it and I feel Glynis should know there are men out there who would have treated her right. Men with a timeshare. Nearly.

Saw Glynis Barber on the telly last night and had to have a sit down. Told Deborah I was tired. I wasn't tired. One day I'm going to be in the right place at the right time. A hotel bar. An awards do. Somewhere near the M4 corridor. It'll happen.

Dempsey and Makepeace is on. I've said it before and I'll say it again: she is far too good for him. American. Loud. Drives like a maniac. Makepeace has got a flat in Kensington, a decent education and a good head on her shoulders. What is she doing. What is she actually doing.

Kinnock on the news again. Just the voice. Just the voice sets me off. Told Deborah if that man ever gets into Number Ten I'm taking the timeshare money and moving to Portugal. She pointed out we've already given the timeshare money to a bloke in a pub. Fair point. Still. Not having it.

Snooker, Howard's Way, large glass of Teachers and the kids in bed by eight. Tuesday sorted. This is genuinely as close to Tom Howard's life as I've managed so far. Minus the boat. And Valerie. Working on both.

Gary says the Portugal bloke has been in touch and the resort is finished. Sent a brochure. It's in a different part of the Algarve to what we agreed and the pool is smaller than described but Gary says location-wise it's arguably better. Deborah is not taking Gary's word for this.

Drove past the school to check which saint it is. St. Andrew's. I knew it was an apostle. Told Deborah. She said Andrew's a saint not an apostle. Told her that's what I said. Neither of us is entirely sure. The blue gates are definitely right though.

The kids wanted to come and watch the snooker with me. Told them they could if they were silent. Absolute silence. The girl lasted four minutes and asked if we could watch something else. I said no. The boy lasted six minutes and fell asleep on the dog. Acceptable.

Watching Tom Howard navigate a difficult board meeting and a complicated personal life with complete composure. That's class. That's what deck shoes and a good blazer does for a man. Made a note to look into blazers.

Parents evening at St. something. The one near the Londis. Deborah went. Apparently both kids are doing fine which I said proved my point entirely. Fresh air, don't fuss, let them get on with it. She said that wasn't quite the parenting philosophy the teachers had in mind. Agree to disagree.

Higgins versus Davis. Two hours forty minutes. Didn't move. Didn't eat. Deborah brought me a plate of something at half seven and I waved it away without looking. Some moments you just have to be present for. This was one of those moments.

Gary reckons the Portugal situation is definitely fine and the bloke has been in touch with his cousin who says the resort is nearly built. I said nearly built. Gary says structurally the hard part is done. It'll be fine.

The boy's teacher left a note saying he's been disruptive in class. Told Deborah to write back and say he gets that from her side. She didn't write that. She wrote something much more reasonable which I thought was a missed opportunity.

Howard's Way Series Two. They've got a bigger boat. Of course they have. That's what happens when you back yourself. Told the kids to go and play upstairs. The girl asked what Howard's Way was about. Told her: everything.

The Embassy World Championship is on all week. Told Deborah I'm not to be disturbed between two and six unless it's an emergency. She asked what counts as an emergency. Told her she'd know it if she saw it. She did not look convinced.

Called the timeshare company about the Portugal fortnight. Number doesn't connect. Rang Gary at the Carpenters. Gary says the bloke is probably just on holiday. In Portugal most likely. Could be staying at the resort. Gary thinks this is a good sign.

Watched Howard's Way again. Tom Howard built that boatyard from nothing. Nothing. A dream and a bit of capital and an absolute refusal to let Avril hold him back. Taking the Teletext off and having a proper think about my life. After the snooker.

Dropped the kids at St. Mark's. Or St. Martin's. One of the saints. It's definitely on the Farnham Road or possibly the Guildford Road. The one with the blue gates. They seemed to know where they were going which is the main thing.

Snooker's on until midnight. Told the kids they can stay up and watch if they're quiet. They fell asleep by half eight. Just me and Jimmy White now. Come on son. Don't bottle it. Some of us are living through you.

The timeshare in Portugal is absolutely going to pay off. Gary from the Carpenters knows the bloke personally. Two weeks a year in the Algarve, index-linked, transferable on death. Deborah says we paid four grand to a stranger in a pub. That's not how I'd characterise it but I take her point

Had to pick the kids up from school. Went to St. Michael's on the Farnham Road. Turns out it's St. Matthew's on the Farnham Road. Very similar. The headmaster was quite sharp about it. I thought he was quite sharp about it.

Steve Davis. That's a man who has it sorted. Completely in control. Never panics. Potted the pink from the cushion last night without even blinking. Told the kids to be quiet during the final. They were in bed. Told them anyway.

Howard's Way is back on. Told Deborah this is exactly the life we should be working towards. A boat. The south of France. A woman called Valerie, who understands me. Deborah said I get seasick on the Isle of Wight ferry. Put another Benson on and didn't dignify that with a response.

The boy asked why I smoke. Told him it was none of his business, then thought better of it and told him it helps Daddy think. He said his teacher says smoking kills you. Told him his teacher should mind her own business too. Lit another one.

Checked the Teletext for the Everton score, the weather in Faro and whether my Dixons shares have moved. In that order. Cup of tea, Benson and Hedges, twenty minutes of peace. This is as good as it gets.

That rabbit (hare?) off the Cadbury's Caramel advert is on again. Told Deborah I was nipping to the kitchen for a beer. Just standing here watching the telly from the doorway. The rabbit. Bloody hell.

End of the month. SRi is good. Timeshare is progressing. Kids are probably fine. Deborah is Deborah. Petra is on the good chair again and I'm saying nothing. Doing my best.

Parents could have bought the council house. '79. Didn't. Maggie handed them the ladder, and they just stared at it. I said to dad the other day, 'When opportunity knocks, listen.' Poor bloke's deaf as a doorpost.

Howard's Way series two. The marina. The boat. A woman called Valerie who gets you. Currently: the SRi, Petra, and a timeshare in phase two. Progress.

Cleaned the alloys on the SRi. Boy came out and watched. Didn't say anything. But he stayed for twenty minutes. Good twenty minutes.