There once was an old fish named Sid Who loved the aquarium lid. When he was asked why, “I’ve just,” he would sigh “Loved tank tops since I was a kid.”
Hudibrastic
@hudibrastic.bsky.social
Hudibrastic can describe anything that is playfully burlesque, satirical, or absurdly irreverent.
There's a fellow who works at the store Whose nuts got shot off in the war. He says, "Have no fears, I've been married ten years So I don't really need them no more."
On a flight to the south, I once sighted A bird in a seat quite delighted. He said, “I could fly With my own wings, but I Prefer the rewards from United.
Willie the Wharf is in tiers. He’s been dammed for the rest of his years. No longer a dock, He’ll be kept under lock By a jury of all of his piers.
In Nantucket, a lady was there And she said to that dude, “Looky here— You and your rod Can fuck off to Cape Cod And you seem to have jizz in your ear.”
Good morning everyone. Thanks for stopping by. Say hi to old and new friends! Sometimes profound, sometimes silly, often unique. We all have them. #ShowerThoughts
Who cares about tariffs to pay Or our civil rights taken away Or the imminent sorrow We’ll suffer tomorrow Now that hate has been rendered okay?
There once was a young fly named Whit Who hated his life quite a bit. “To be,” he would sigh, “A bee, not a fly, And to fly among flowers, not shit.”
There’s a raunchy giraffe at the zoo Who shouts (as giraffes seldom do): “If you think my neck’s long, Just look at my schlong,” Then pisses to show that it’s true.
I know the world’s burning away And the country is in disarray Your rights have gone bye And costs are too high But I hope you all have a nice day.
Trump said, “It may be bad news, But we’re fighting Iran, win or lose— They get me upset When they mock my new jet And whenever they say my whore moos.”
That phony muckraker named Vance Is one of Trump's worst sycophants Don't let that odd man Get near your divan When his head isn't stuck down Trump's pants.
There once was a fellow named Fauci Who caused little Rand to get grouchy. It seems he offended When he recommended That everyone just get an ouchie.
The hurricanes soon will have ripped, Leaving homes flooded and flipped Insurers will fly And people will die And FEMA’s been totally stripped .
The new Air Force One, they can’t fly it, Though Donald, he just had to try it. I don’t know who shared That the plane was impaired But why couldn’t you just stay quiet?
With most people struggling in vain And civil rights all down the drain, Don’t let this offend ya, But might Trump’s agenda Just be for his personal gain?
Blanche said, “When they give me power And pay 15k every hour, I’ll be reprehensible With honor dispensable And I don’t care who Trump may deflower.”
Satire Leo said. “Something had to be done to contain Shady Vance’s gene pool.” open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
Pope Says Church Will Relax Stance on Birth Control When it Comes to JD Vance
The pontiff said that he had arrived at the decision after learning the “troubling news” that Vance had reproduced “yet again.”
open.substack.com
With roarings and screechings and bleatings, The animals all exchange greetings But they don’t use landlines Or cellphones or hand signs; Instead they prefer their zoo meetings.
Jay Clayton will now be the guy Who will spearhead the whole DNI Now that he’s selected, We’ll be well protected… Oh fuck it, we’re all gonna die.
The world is ablaze; you can smell The Beast’s in the White House as well There’s misery too So when your time’s through Don’t worry too much about hell.
The worst thing about AI is how nobody trusts anything as being real anymore. The death of truth is the ultimate victory of evil.
It echoes worldwide up to Heaven Like the roar of a loud motor revvin’ Through hills, dales, and dells And in Comey’s shells And it screams “eighty-six forty-seven.”
You Congressmen oft have me pondering When your careers you start squandering: Can’t you, once elected Remain unerected And keep your damn penis from wandering?
The male leopards lay ‘neath the yew; The females all lay in the dew. They at once re-arrange So to say they don’t change Their spots we now know is untrue.
In the old days You chatted with Cain And You flooded the whole earth with rain; Well, people are freaking From havoc Trump’s wreaking, So why not get hands-on again?
Who cares about your deprivation If you’re African, Latin, or Hatian? For empathy’s dead If you’re shot in the head When Trump wants a nice Christian nation.