I wonder if animals have different languages the same way humans do

Altoona is pure evil. They ratted out Luigi and their pizza looks like this

Wearing a “back the blue” shirt to a baseball game to support the umpires

I wonder if Israel came to her in her dreams last night

Gonna change my middle name to “Hussein” so that when a republican goes “Barack *Hussein* Obama” I can be like “yeah, that’s my name. Got a problem with it?”

The birth year of the average 20-year-old is too recent nowadays. Don’t like that

I resent the fact that Fetterman turned out to be such an irredeemable chud for numerous reasons, but one of the many is that I do believe you should come as you are to the People’s House, and he ruined that for everybody

I know it's kind of a long shot, but are there gonna be any Americans in Lisbon tonight watching the Belgium game?

Everything is flavored if you’re brave enough to try it

When I die, I don’t want to be buried or cremated. I want my body to be turned into a hamburger

I know I should’ve done it like a month ago, but I finally just dropped my first ballot in the mail as an American abroad 🫡🇺🇸

Excited to see who everyone downtown is pulling for later. We border Germany, but literally the entire Curaçao team except for one was born here. It’s the Netherlands, but every Dutch person in history is a turbo-weeb for some reason. We’re about to see levels of multiculturalism never before seen

Gonna start a blog where I try all the abominable food crimes I find in Europe and judge them and call it Food Court

They should do free refills at the bar

Ed Balls

If the primary focus of all the Apple platforms this year is stability and performance, I now get the weird quandary of determining if the public version of last year’s OS or beta 1 of this year’s is better to run

I think this if the first time I’ve felt absolutely 0 hype for #WWDC. I kinda forgot it’s happening tomorrow tbh

Going to Cardiff to go wale-watching

Got my first ballot in the mail as an American abroad 🥲🇺🇸 Hopefully we still have a democracy by the time they count it 🙃

If the Knicks win the NBA championship, it will really be clear that Zohran truly does have the Mandate of Heaven

Half considering shaving my beard tbh. My autistic stim when I’m thinking is to run my fingers through it, which is making it patchy. I wonder if it’ll grow back evenly if I shave, which will theoretically force me to stop that

Gonna start an Indian fast food restaurant called “Hurry Curry”

The Netherlands is fun because everyone is roughly the same amount of autistic as I am. It’s just normal here

Crossing a Detroit-style pizza with a deep dish to make an unholy cube of pizza

My body is haunted by the ghost of me

My brain reads “George H.W. Bush” as “George Hardware Bush”

Gonna start referring to Greece as “South Macedonia”

I’m terrified of the day my boss figures out how food-motivated I am lol

I am a fully-automated luxury gay space communist in a manual impoverished straight ground capitalist world

My friends and I are going to the new Apple Museum in Utrecht tomorrow and it's extremely funny that their website where you buy tickets doesn't accept Apple Pay