newlyweds writing AI thank you cards like

i just woke up and the words in “Arby’s Beef & Cheddar, Curly Fries” are in alphabetical order

I once got in trouble at school for using “the q-word” 😔

I know this is going to be funny/terrible, but it really does make me sad that this year should have been an incredible moment of joy in our nations capital. And creativity. And celebration. And reflection. Instead, we get 25 people watching a band you’ve ever heard of.

when i’m 2% away but i’m thinking about turning my computer off

Schindler’s Birthday List: [] Save 1,200 Jews [] Protect Family [] Hot Wheels

the sopranos got it all wrong, if i’m making tony money first thing i’m buying is unlimited milanos

we need to revert AI chatbots back to the basics

Tonight i worked a local election for the first time in almost 20 years. And they are still using the SAME carts that I used back then. When they say municipal change is slow, they mean it.

‘u pick 2’ antibiotics

looking at a list of recent food recalls and oh no oh fuck

Bluey 4 Player Beat ‘em Up

title idea for the next one

something about 9PM never feels right. 8:30PM slaps though

Today I had a dream that I got called out in a work meeting for being on Steam and playing something called "Nutty Professor 2049"

Fuck ICE

(looks at what google has become) we didn’t deserve Him

“w-what are you doing, Band of Step-Brothers??”

525,600 chrimbus

in a vein attempt to shield his ego, the prince whispered “I know the difference, it was just a typo”

oohta wohppy ducktouch or whatever furbies said

Zohran winning is the best thing to happen to this country since Dick Cheney died

what a terrible night to be a piece of shit

please, mr. pumpkineater was my father. call me peter peter

referring to david bowie as “dave”

Therapist “have you found yourself dissociating lately?” Me “no not really” also me

Just saw the Charmin movie. It was okay. * Decent animation * Plot was good enough * These are still bears that shit a lot

I thought it might be nice to compile this all in one place

what if they suddenly revealed that tylenol did nothing