The Journal of Immaterial Science
@immaterialscience.bsky.social
J. Immat. Sci. is an open-access, beer-reviewed journal, publishing satirical papers from all fields of science. Anyone can submit an article by downloading a template from our website: https://www.immaterialscience.org/
For those of you who miss pipetting by mouth, we offer you the opportunity to Schlenk by nose. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/The-Nose-S...
J. Immat. Sci. Just turned 5. Thanks for sticking with us through half a decade of scientific bullshit folks! One of our repeat authors wrote us this charming paper to mark the occasion. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/futyl
After a great deal of study and analysis, we have come to the unanimous conclusion that bacteriophages are probably from Mars. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/phages
This paper discloses a novel treatment for people with blood clotting disorders: connect the patient to a fusion reactor and infuse ionic plasma directly into their circulatory system. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Plasma-GS3...
Principia Sociodynamica: The Three Laws of Conservation of Blame PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Principia-...
The 1850 Baseline is Scientifically Settled Forever: Deficit Spending is the Only Force Capable of Cooling the Planet PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/1850cli...
A beer-reviewer’s report on last week’s paper (which was concerned with the quantum underpinnings of the “Fuck Around - Find Out” relationship. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Fuck-Aroun...
Modelling the “Fuck Around – Find Out” Relationship in a Quantum Context PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/fuckaro...
Repeatedly Asking Chatbots “Does She Like Me Back?” Gives Them Generalized Anxiety Disorders PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Chatbots-G...
The Bibliographic Event Horizon: A Study on the Gravitational Pull of [1] PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/citations
Synthesis, Properties, and Future Prospects for Stayawake Juice PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/stayawa...
A Quantitative Study on Dice Roll Performance after the Implementation of Corporal Dice Punishments PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/dicejail
Asking subject organisms in biological studies if they consent to take part in experiments can reduce selection bias. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/plantco...
Bananas Have Peyronie’s Disease: Definitive Clinical Evidence That Nature Is Trolling Us PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/penisba...
Quantitative Evidence for the “Shit In, Shit Out” Hypothesis in Large Language Models PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/SISO-GS2.pdf
The Total Synthesis of (+)-stupidity and the Consequences Thereof PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Stupidity....
Volume 5 is here everyone! The PDF will be online soon, but the hardcopies are on the Etsy store for everyone who wants one. It’s 96 pages of high-impact, high-novelty, beer-reviewed bullshit, and 70% of the articles were written by you.
Fronds with benefits: how the 5G network gives plants wood. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2026/frondsw...
This week’s paper investigates a new family structure in response to declining birth rates, with IPA as a defining feature. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/ipa
On the merits of pickling cucumbers with titanium tetrachloride. PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Pickles.pdf
“anti-YAPPERS”: A Novel Conversational Framework for Detecting Nonsense PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/yappers
And finally, entry 9: fur-lined lab gloves. Because four of the entries were from us, everyone who submitted an ad wins a hardcopy! Our thanks to the submitters, Volume 5 will be on sale soon.
Entry 8: A new line of Black 6 lab mice. Entries have now closed for our ad competition.
Making Dinosaur Juice from Simple Saccharides: Total Synthesis of 𝜶-D-tolupyranose PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/2025/sugar
Entry 7: photochemistry in the blink of an eye.
Entry 6: a new use for used chromatography silica.
Entry 5: An essential tool for the laboratory ornithologist.
How Big Can The Periodic Table Get Before Students Call Bullshit? PDF: www.immaterialscience.org/s/Longest-Pe...
Entry 4: The Wine Schlenk. We need some more entries in the ad-competition folks, 75% of the ads so far were made by the editor. New deadline for submissions is the 10th of January. Here are the guidelines: www.reddit.com/r/Immaterial...
