a small child just informed me that he can eat “6 or 7” boxes of munchkins by himself, then clarified “i usually throw up though” and then left me standing here processing that
nash flynn
@itsnashflynn.bsky.social
death historian. part time comedian. feral gay. i have autism (derogatory). @deathandfriends.bsky.social your favourite comedian’s least favourite comedian always a candidate, never a doctor death is for everybody out fall 2026*
i moved from boston to providence and let me just say that i was unprepared for the culture shock that was watching a shirtless man walk into a dunkin donuts and ask if they still sold cigarettes
i don’t wanna sound old but i miss the 90s when we had to invent problems to be scared about, like randomly being on fire or how to get out of quicksand
opened my banking app and i got an error that said “this user is currently disabled” and wow the audacity of that call out in disability awareness month
hi just passing thru to say happy independence day america congrats on being free from tyran- ah. well then
death has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever this weekend and i hope he takes it
for the first time ever, i had an older person yell at me for parking in a disabled spot. he was like “that spot is for old or disabled people!” and i was like “oh my god, wow, you’re right! it’s a good thing i am disabled then” anyway happy disability awareness month or something
so glad that pride month is over so i can go back into nonexistence see you guys next year
i did not realise that the sports were in the states happening and so i fully accepted the scottish invasion without question for several days
my digestive system has been failing for a while, but it seems like i MIGHT be on a plan that’s working, and let me tell you guys something: the first day your brain gets nutrients after starving, you feel like you could physically and metabolically beat the shit out of any member of mensa
at a conference and the presenter sounds exactly like glenn from superstore. god is testing me
i know the entire world is doing badly right now because we are desperately trying to rebrand cupcakes as a new viral “dot cake” just so we can make any type of dopamine
if one more old white politician goes into walter reed and then still continues to live i am going to launch myself into the sun
not sure ✨WHO✨needs to hear this but texting an ex girlfriend because you are in distress is shockingly, stunningly, surprisingly not going to make you feel any better. it’s definitely not me btw in case you thought that
being a diabetic is fun because you get to say things like “no those are my life support m and ms” and “must be really cool to have a pancreas that does things, linda, but i can’t relate because god decided i’d be too powerful if i had normal functioning organs”
picked up a new med for my bullshit health and the instructions say “take 1 tablet 4 times a day for 30 days” there are 30 tablets in the bottle with 0 refills, so i asked the pharm how i was supposed to make that work and she said “huh. i’ve never seen that before” babe did you not fill this, what
i used to think the premise of weekend at bernie’s was funny, but now that i’m watching the us government prop up trump at televised events while everyone pretends he’s conscious i realise it’s actually still funny
i did not make my presence known before the tile guy came to fix my bathroom and now he’s in there singing at the top of his lungs and i have to continue laying in my bed and pretending i don’t exist for as long as this repair takes
happy pride month to everyone but particularly to my mother, who, when i came out, said “good lord ashley as if your life isn’t enough of a mess right now”
nominating my dexcom for best actor in a dramatic series
i had to get my windshield replaced & the place that did it installed my wipers backwards. i took my truck to the dealer to have them fix it & they put new wipers on it. they apparently forget the original problem, which is the old ones were backwards. now i have new wipers that are also backwards
so far the only perk i have found of breaking up with someone is slowly getting to forget everything you learned just for their benefit. getting to delete all the things i know about the vanderpump rules cast has really freed up my brain for despair
look i’m just gonna say it: i think we should stop doing physics. we’ve learned nothing good about the universe and quite frankly i hope that stone marten killed us all
i’m not saying i am the main character i’m just saying i brought a friend to the emergency room and when we got there before they could even ask her questions i started throwing up 💅
the real issue i have with the trolley problem is that, as the observer, i don’t get the opportunity to also die
today i stood on the hill of tara with my kids, & tried to impress them with the site’s long and beautiful history. we had a lovely moment of silence. then i realised i was actually standing alone because my son was rolling down the hill. my other child had apparently needed to poop and simply left
