How to permanently replace Canadian geese on pond with ducks? HOW!?

I don't care what anyone says... My favorite Chekhov play is "Gun".

I get that I’m “The ZIM guy” but this is always the kind of stuff that inspires me. In fact certain movies, this, Don’t Look Up, Beau is Afraid, they always make me think of the kind of worlds I obsess over, for how grotesque and how possessed of a desire to say something, even something hideous.

Marketing for "Digger" has led me astray so many times. Originally thought it was Tom Cruise in an experimental "Dig Dug" movie. Then a "Dr. Strangelove" homage. But it's so much more. And it can be more than what Iñárritu probably even intended if you let yourself stay curious.

Scientists today confirmed that it is what it is.

I would like a supercut of all the times Doctor Doom explained things to Reed Richards that Richards had never understood.

I'm getting a woodpecker tongue installed. Just to be safe.

I have been free of employment for only a day, but I've already begun writing my version of Rick Rubin's "The Creative Act". My book is titled, "Cause I've Got it ALL Figured Out Man..."

Ok. Something weird happened. Originally, Pedro Pascal starred in "The Lobster" but now it apparently was Colin Farrel.

Thank you to Alejandro González Iñárritu and the cast and crew of "Digger". A huge achievement. An invigorating, complex, absurdly indulgent portrayal of reality.

Inside of me there are 2 Wolves 1 Cup.

Look. I really want to see "Digger". Stop advertising it. It makes me want to see it less.

Inside of me, there are two wolves: Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski. That's all.

All I ask for in life is to live long enough to see Ray Kurzweil live forever.

Just started a new Senior Accountant position at McGoohan, LLC

Woke up today to find that I had become afflicted with bouillon pits. Beef bouillon pits. The absolute worst bouillon pits you can get afflicted with.

My God! The 70's must have smelled...

I sleep so much better if I shower, but I like my stink. How to make me-stink-scented soap?

My partner and I set the all-time record for most kisses at The Campbell in Grand Central Terminal. 2

Vacations sound fun, but then it's just museums, parks, restaurants, blah, blah, blah. When I go somewhere on vacation all I really want to do is spend a nice week solving an unsolved homicide. That's how you really get to know a place.

Okay. Sign me up. I'd like to make another comedic Evil Dead movie but instead of a Three Stooges influence, I'd like to inject some Marx Brothers into it.

I am committing to staging my first performance at Edinburgh Fringe next year and I have a few questions. First off, how much is too much to charge the city of Edinburgh for my services?

I will be in Hamburg, Germany from 10/20/26 - 10/27/26. Looking for a large, charming theatre to perform in. Don't worry about selling tickets. I do not require an audience.

Writing a grunge song called "Job Will Have His Revenge on Heaven".

We have GOT to get William Shatner and Laurie Anderson to tour together.

Don't no one let Judd Apatow make a documentary about me. I'd be furious.

I start every morning with a big cup of doubt. And then I imagine that I am a rabid mongoose born of Salvador Dalí and Doctor Doom. Works for me...

People in the hotel room next to me are having loud sex. I'm trying to drown it out by watching "Barry Lyndon" as loud as I can make it.

People in the hotel room next to me are having loud sex. I'm trying to drown it out by watching "Barry Lyndon" as loud as I can make it.

Our hotel uses a cleaner with a weird smell. So I've replaced it with a bottle of Laphroaig. Let's see if anyone notices.