spooky spice
@jenniferdown.bsky.social
author BODIES OF LIGHT + PULSE POINTS + OUR MAGIC HOUR. also edit, translate, hike, cook, copywrite, &c. she/her. jenniferdown.com
i know my shit is bad because for the last four years my therapist has concluded our last session of the year, right before the festive break and her sorely deserved holiday period, by telling me i can get in touch with her on her damn break if i need to (i would absolutely never do this dw)
depression so bad i got 8 inches off my hair and now my mate and i have coined a new cut
today: 10am sister’s masters graduation, 2pm meet at dad’s house to have our 14-y-o family dog put down, 5pm drive to cemetery for our dead mum’s birthday. tmrw is dad’s oncological review at which we anticipate bad news. idk man i can’t keep living like this. like lol but also. it ain’t good
chronic sinus problems are so dumb. yeah what if every time you get a minor cold or seasonal allergy your face swells and you get a headache so bad you’re constantly nauseous and sometimes your eardrum just perforates spontaneously. also you get a cough that lasts for weeks. nothing fixes it btw
once every two years i have to try a milk coffee because im tempted by the devil and then reliably i remember i fucking hate that shit and have been lactose intolerant since birth. it doesn’t matter if it’s oat milk it’s still foul to me. but i keep trying
a new bar has opened in marysville which is huge + i do want to support it but my loyalty is to the town’s only pub where i can walk in wearing bike shorts, a parka and hiking shoes, sit with my laptop knocking out a freelance job, and an old-timer will inevitably buy me a wine bc he loves marth
sorry for party rocking (being mentally ill on substack once again) open.substack.com/pub/jennifer...
It's only stuff
...and other lies I tell myself, in a particularly melancholy dispatch
open.substack.com
finishing a reformer class with snake, walking home in the pouring rain before preparing for my first therapy session in five weeks……oh i just KNOW im about to have a deranged snotty hiccuping sob in the next 12 hours
sydney is crazy bc you can go from a truly transcendant view of a sunset pink-tinted opera house or swim at a STUNNING surf beach right in the city. then you walk into an average/safe-looking pub and have the worst counter meal of your life surrounded by men wearing chinos with loafers and no socks
my sis took our visiting american fam to drag bingo last night and the queen hosting, on learning they were from the US, asked them to say ‘cunt’ thinking they’d be uncomfortable. joke’s on them because dave (6’3” stoner, bass player and retired special ed teacher) immediately intoned “CUNT”
my bestie and i walking our dogs along the river and she asks me for my residency dates so she can put them in her ical and then she puts her phone away, turns to me and says, with tears in her eyes, “i think im gonna be a lot happier next year when you’re home more”. the theatrics on this bitch
round-up of best dad messages from this week. personal highlights for me include him asking me whether he has cornstarch in his house (???) + him separating the art and the artist (snoop) in a g chat w our minnesotan fam, who are currently visiting
thinkin about a certain traditional blog-based book reviewer with a decent if homogenous following, in front of whom i once sat in the audience of a regional lit festival, and who loudly declared ‘i don’t read books about drug addicts’
martha was sick of everyone’s nonsense and ready for BED
standing naked in the bathroom using my ironing board as a standing desk, filling out a visa application on my laptop while i wait for my (head) conditioning treatment and (bush) hair removal cream to take effect…..has anyone ever multitasked quite like this? i sincerely doubt it x
what point of caregiving/parental illness is it when you walk past a smear of blood on a wall and go huh. then find the wettex to scrub it off without further interrogation of where it came from
at dad’s making congee for dinner and he’s standing at the bench reading paragraphs from a profile on lisa mccune for reasons i still haven’t established
vet is obsessed with martha but said we need to cut back on her food (i already feed her less than the recommended amount of weight-control kibble) :( but she was also like “all my animals are overweight so you can ignore me if you want. she’s just perfect” we love a body-neutral diva
my friend stayed in my flat while i was away and i left her a minibar w some booze, snacks, eye masks, bath salts, coffee, a single joint and some loose ativan. and when i got home today she had left me (and martha) a minibar of my own 🥲
im lucky enough to be in a longer-term rental situation - been here since 2019 - and whenever i come home after being away it feels so peaceful and good to be back despite its tiny proportions, bad insulation and old-building quirks. i love my little nest
normal sexy and mentally healthy woman who finally worked out the structure of her fuckass novel after three (3) (drei) years
i, laying on the grass in the sun, asked my friend if i could bum a cig (i bought him a pouch yesterday so im only HALF-bumming) and he kissed my forehead and went ‘ugh i thought you’d never ask! every one i rolled this whole day i was thinking, i HOPE she’ll have one with me’ 🥰🥲
hi everyone I am here to report that I went to a french reformer pilates class because im insufferable and at the end everyone spontaneously clapped for themselves which was actually kind of sweet lol
arriving at heathrow on a friday night after a 25-hour plane journey…. too tired to see friends so instead i just slammed the treadmill at incrementally increasing speeds while watching CNN until my vision went blurry. now im drinking a cold beer and eating a very grim hotel salad. la dolce vita 🩵
nailing flying splits in reformer then backing it up with a sloppy mayo and hot sauce-laden egg and cheese…….never let them know your next move
dad telling me about tonight’s sundown, which i saw in pieces from the car driving to his place: ‘it was just beautiful - that real soft light and it was inflected on the dead snow gums and turned them pink”
