The Great Divide implies the existence of The Super Multiply, The Smashing Add and The Brilliant Subtract. #humour #humoursky

I want to smash a pasty and some antipasti together and watch them annihilate each other. #humour #humoursky

Might go and oppress some masses later. If you're free, could do with a hand.

"Hello and welcome to the Elvis Helpline. Please select from the following ootions: 1. For the money. 2. For the show. 3. To get ready." #humour #humoursky

I've got wine. Don't even consider talking to me for at least half an hour.

@francoligabue.bsky.social Hi Franco, it's me ex Twitter, same guy.

Me : "Excuse me, is this seat taken?" Liam Neeson: "Yes, it's has a very particular set of skills" #humour #humoursky

@jennifergable.bsky.social I thank you for the follow. To have a comedian follow me means I'm doing something very right or very wrong and I'm leaning towards the latter.

A scientist likes to take matter into his own hands.

I asked my mate "What does 'I haven't a scooby' mean?" He said "No idea" I said "OK then, I'll ask someone who does!" #humour #humoursky

I've just had an epiphany. I highly recommend the pepperoni flavour. #humour #humoursky

Who put the wee in weekend? #humour #humoursky

There are a lot of stupid people in the world who know more about a subject than people qualified in that subject, but when queried about it, cannot answer a single question. Here endeth today's lesson.

Yes I'll do that urgent job immediately. Immediately after I've had a sleep.

Just read the controvertial story of bread's coming of age. Foccacia in the Rye. #humour #humoursky

I broke my compass on my travels and that's when it all went South. #humour #humoursky

Coming soon.....my new sci-fi offering.

Be afraid.....be very afraid.... It's out now. shop.ingramspark.com/b/084?params...

A surrealist walks into a melting shoe. #humour #humoursky

Body butter. Made from freshly churned bodies. #humour #humoursky

#ASongOrMovieForAllThatsBoring Yawning Has Broken

#ASongOrMovieForLions Pride

U2: Looking Up While Walking

ALT: U2: Looking Up While Walking

static.klipy.com

Caught a virus last week. It was late, the seats were cramped but the fare was reasonable. #humour #humoursky

I could look at 24 hour clocks all day long. #humour #humoursky

I was wondering where to get some flat pack furniture, then I had an Ikea. #humour #humoursky

#ASongOrMovieForAllBoardGames Snakes and Ladders on a Plane

Snakes On A Plane Samuel L Jackson

ALT: Snakes On A Plane Samuel L Jackson

static.klipy.com

I wonder if memory foam mattresses suffer from amnesia? #humour #humoursky

Toilet hand dryer: A device for moving water around your hands until you get bored. #humour #humoursky

You've seen one bear attack, you've seen a maul. #humour #humoursky

This is a welcoming account. 🏳️‍⚧️