this is teeny tiny tony, we call him that bc he is small

look, everybody wants to know, ‘are the pants bipedal? are the pants quadrupedal?’ you’re asking the wrong question. what we really need to know is if the pants were quadrupedal, what would that imply about their shirts?!

I'm a hot girl with cold feet

was tits out on the couch doin’ a dab and didn’t realize my roommate was home until they walked out of their room, also topless, smokin’ a blunt 😎

fuck it

call me father abraham the way my seed is spreading

my girlfriend says my tits have gotten bigger. I don’t know, what do you think?

i had my hair done a couple weeks ago, it was fun :)

tf you mean, “praise him,” ? dudes supposed to be omnipotent, what the hell does he need my approval for? you’re doing a great job, buddy 👍 i hope you hear the sarcasm dripping off my words.

they should invent a body that *doesn’t* keep the score

they gon’ cremate me and i’ll still show up to the funeral overdressed.

ive had constant and consistent aches throughout my entire body for as long as i can remember… but for several weeks straight, now, it’s been bad enough that it’s affecting my sleep and my focus. im getting overstimulated by minor inconveniences. im having a hard time forcing myself to eat some days

norma jean the hotdog queen@jotdog.bsky.social · 2w ago

how does one determine if their health conditions warrant a talk with a doctor?

how does one determine if their health conditions warrant a talk with a doctor?

u know how like, sometimes the mob or whatever will launder money? yeah, well i’m doing that to my clothes today.

here’s the secret sauce: **i’m cooking**

girl why do you speak

quietly going insane as my fantasies run away with my mind in a spectacle not dissimilar to a dish running away with the spoon.

if i eat MY OWN brain will i still get a prion disease

the fit

while you're at it keep the nitelite on inside the birdhouse in your soul

burning the candle at both ends? nah i just piled up a hundred of em and doused em in kerosene. gonna burn em all out real quick.

oh yeah i put together a lil guy recently:)

norma jean the hotdog queen@jotdog.bsky.social · last mo.

me too, my gunpla are there

the amount of personal hygiene tasks that are on my to do list is directly representative of how depressed i am at any given moment

today is my grandmas birthday. i can’t remember is she was supposed to turn 84 or 87. every time i talk to my mom it seems like she’s one straw away from breaking the camels back that is her marriage. i just saw another beautiful trans woman was murdered over the weekend. i could use a hug.

even if vaccines caused autism (THEY DO NOT) i still would rather my child be autistic than dead. im not sure why this is still (or ever was) a controversy.

it’ll all work out in the end and if it doesnt i’ll say it should have

why do i feel like ive found everything ive ever been searching for and yet somehow something is still missing

to do: - dishes - fold laundry - scoop litter - feel normal

>customer complaint: we did not treat his back yard >customers back yard is astroturf >customer remark: i would still like to not have weeds on my back lawn >need to explain the difference between astroturf and sod to customer

i think america forcing a national cult of mourning around 9/11 while simultaneously using it as a cause de guerre to kill and displace millions globally, thereby over time turning their own tragedy into an object of ridicule is just about the most american thing to have ever happened