Jurassic Liz (Spooky Version) 👻🦖

@jurassicliz.com

DC. Nerd. Human Trash Panda. Marketing & Content Designer. #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD

I’ve received my second middle-age hobby from the universe. The first was bird watching at 36. Now we are looking at buying land and starting a little farm in the country. I grew up in the country. I hate the country? I was meant for the city! Except I need all the little farm animals…

Husband just got a job offer for almost $40k more than he makes now with full benefits for health, dental, and vision as well as student loan payments completely covered by them, adding $10k/year back into our budget. This means I don’t have to job hunt anymore while I’m finishing with this degree!

Doing reproductive systems in my anatomy class. Professor gets to external female anatomy and clitoris. The homeschooled evangelical kid says OUT LOUD: “Wait that’s a real thing?!” The class is 95% women and we all turned to look at him at the same time. Like straight out of a sitcom.

Ugh. I went to the doctor for some health issues last September. She told me I’d feel better if I lost weight. I was super pissed so I lost weight out of spite so I could go back and go “SEE I DON’T FEEL BETTER!” Well. I lost 35 lbs so far and I actually do feel like 1000% better. I’m furious.

Can someone explain to me why my oldest child’s deadbeat father who hasn’t seen her since she was 2 and owes $65,000 in back owed child support, has suddenly hired a lawyer to contact me about arranging a visit with her 3 months before she turns 18? Buddy she doesn’t know who the hell you even are!

I’m not usually one for woowoo hippy health stuff but… I started using this hippy “remineralizing” toothpaste like 5 days ago and a hole in my tooth is already repairing and a surface cavity I’ve had for years is healing… also my gums have stopped bleeding for the first time in my 37 years of life.

I need a movie where everyone thinks they are in a final destination scenario but it’s just a serial killer getting increasingly more frustrated. “Who did you think was responsible?!” “Death?” “You thought the concept of death was responsible?!” It should star Brennan Lee Mulligan.

At the grocery store. Dude at the self check out next to me is SO HIGH he cant figure out the machine. He was only buying 2 boxes of zebra cake Swiss rolls. He opens one of the boxes and just starts eating one because he “needs a snack to get right with the lord first”. 10/10 execution. No notes.