This is the lowest bar I’ve ever seen for “turning back the clock”

Ian Rapoport@rapsheet.bsky.social · 2w ago

Aaron Rodgers turning back the clock.

Sometimes I think “I’m so different from my mom!” and then, there I am, online, wishing the dog of someone I’ve never met a happy birthday

It’s weird Sark wouldn’t bask in his first and last big win

CJ Fogler@cjzero.bsky.social · last mo.

Sark bails on the postgame interview with Holly Rowe who is not amused

Cybertruck has a lot of features, but one I’ve never seen used is the passenger door

It is genuinely insane how crooked everything related to University of Michigan sports is. You simply have to respect it

Everyone loudly talking on the phone in any mass transit situation is someone I am absolutely shocked has even a single friend to call. Is it possible they’re all just calling each other

If I reply stop to 100 democratic fundraising texts from people I’ve never heard of in a month, that should just count as a vote. I shouldn’t have to go to the polls, I have endured enough for this limp and yet clearly better party, just mark me down

Lyft defaults you to match with regular taxis now. Did it once & it was an absolute lunatic the likes of which I have not been driven by in maybe 10 years. Sucking teeth & tweeting like a bird, randomly yelling “bicycles!” Wild the old part of New York is still out there like little mobile museums

Frankly Abdul El-Sayed getting more votes than the candidate supported by the Democratic Party establishment was RUDE. How DARE he get more votes than an opponent that outspent him 11-1. It’s UNDEMOCRATIC that he had more people vote for him. This has been my audition for CNN & MSNOW, I’m available

Mainstream media is amazing, man. If someone actually on the left wins, they still frame it as a loss. (Especially if they’re Muslim)

Politico@politico.com · 2mo ago

Progressives didn’t get the big election night they wanted

Less than half of all Americans vote for everything, you empty husk & corpse of the idea of journalism

The Washington Post@washingtonpost.com · 3mo ago

The Democratic Socialists of America has grown, yet Americans remain divided on its meaning. A new poll found less than half of all Americans say they would vote for a democratic socialist candidate. https://wapo.st/4wvuVXV

There’s one place Sophie Cunningham’s name never gets brought up, and that’s when people are talking about actual basketball games

It’s a real bummer when pretty nice people you know are just terminally stupid

I’ve had a mysterious elbow problem for 2 months, and today the doctor said “I saw that you’re a comedian — do you grip the mic tightly?” and now I just think I’m gonna die from this

There’s no way to invite all Facebook followers from a specific city to a show I’m doing in that city, but Facebook WOULD like to know if I’d like to reply to posts with an avatar. Helpful

It’s too bad you can’t binge an alcohol cleanse really fast. I can get really drunk in 4 hours, I should be able to get really sober in the same amount of time

Well that makes sense of the murder spree. Prosecute everyone.

Kyle Griffin@kylegriffin1.bsky.social · 3mo ago

BREAKING NYT: Federal agents around the country were told in recent days that the FBI would no longer investigate confrontations with immigration agents — cases that sometimes yield evidence that could be used to prosecute DHS agents implicated in violent encounters.

Zanies Chicago 7/21! Already got an angry message from a mediocre former Chicago comic I hadn’t seen in 15 years who is only memorable for turning into a mentally ill racist, so it’s safe to say the promotion machine is going GREAT babyyyy

Incredible goofball shit going on at the all-star game America 250, constitution theme party. Go further! All New York reps should abstain from playing until the game’s already over. Pennsylvania players should keep insisting we should play soccer instead. Let’s go full 1776

Spain big time deserves that win AND I’m sad

Is Jake Tapper fit to host a show on CNN? Seems his mental and physical acuity is deteriorating rapidly. Maybe he should write a book about himself

Aaron Rupar@atrupar.com · 3mo ago

TAPPER: I know you don't want to talk about any other issues out of respect for Lindsey Graham, but we would love to have you back sometime bc I do have a lot of other questions TRUMP: Sure. We're trying to have CNN go on a normal path T: I'm on a normal path right here, sir TRUMP: Good. You are.

Incredible final round by Jordan Walker. And he’s an ultimate Cardinal because even when he’s good, it sucks the joy out of something

BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani announces click-to-cancel rule for NYC. This rule is aimed at guaranteeing New Yorkers can cancel subscriptions as easily as they sign up — and stopping corporations from trapping customers. This will save New Yorkers up to $162.5 million per year.

You know the US is a young, tier-below soccer culture because no other country in the world would have Pollyannas being like “the true honor is to suspend our own player!” Lol. Lmao even

I love to root an underdog but also, you have to have some baseline level of dignity. For this reason, get Paraguay outta here

Ben Collins@bencollins.bsky.social · 4mo ago

I was rooting for Paraguay but the Benny Hill pratfall shit is getting truly hilarious. Doing Three Stooges shit trying to get Mbappe a red card.

Hey France — fuckin, get it together

It’s perfect that the biggest knob of a manager in the world cup’s final 16 was an American export. Jessie Marsch, thank you for representing this era of disingenuous fame chasing 🇺🇸 (nice job Canada tho)

I would have gotten this in one guess. Perfect

Alex Kirshner@alexkirshner.com · 4mo ago

The only qualifying hitter patriot to carry exactly a .250 batting average into today's games

Not kidding, the announcers who do the Nathan’s hot dog competition consistently put up masterclass year after year, some of the most competent and entertaining work in all of sport

Plenty to make fun of Taylor Swift for but “I’m not impressed she donated 26 million” is corny. The people who benefit from the 26 mil are probably a little impressed. Pediatric cancer care got money! You can just allow that that’s good. Now, when she did that song saying she’s “wet”? THAT sucked