Best I could get holding a pin hole piece of card in one hand and my mobile in the other. I call it "Eclipse On Magnolia Woodchip"

If you're wondering where Macau is, it's in Mafield.

Just overheard a middle-aged woman on the bus talking on the phone say, "Look, I'm just about to go to the police station now, so I need to know - did you do it, or no? Stop crying. Stop. Crying" I badly want to hear that story (or, at the very least, the Eastenders duff-duff kicking in)

NOW has been compiling the most irritating songs for decades, but now you can use the logo style to "call" anything! The NOW THAT"S WHAT I CALL MUSIC! Font & Logo Generator is live now!

NOW That’s What I Call Music Logo Font Cover Generator

Type a headline, banner line, and bottom text to build a bold, layered graphic modeled on the NOW That's What I Call Music series, complete with a gradient face, automatic sizing to mimic the original logo stack, and simulated depth.

pixelframe.design

No, my first question is what mental fur ball thought this was a good idea? My first *thought*, however, was that people who get to have sex even once a year should considers themselves lucky.

The Verge@theverge.com · last wk.

In One Night Only's otherwise normal modern New York, single people can only have sex one night a year. The first question you’re probably asking: How is this law possibly enforced?

I believe a good indicator of the enduring popularity of a movie or TV show is how many copies of it you find in a branch of CeX. There are 142 copies of "Mrs Brown's Boys" here. I counted. This show is not popular and never has been. It's cheap schedule-filler for the BBC nothing more.

No, ketchup slices do not exist. They're just fake, AI rage bait. But ... they *should* exist, if only to give the poor cleaning staff at the White House a break every time the Tangerine Toddler throws a massive fucking strop.

What's the difference between a concert performed on the grave of Dorothy Parker, and Donald Trump's new toupée? One is a gig on a wit ...

German Blu Rays I Own (In Absence of a UK Release) With Fun Titles #4 "Stripes" (1981) = "Well, I'll Be Kissed By A Moose!" Essentially, it's an exclamation of surprise akin to "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!", although the literal translation is "I believe a moose is smooching me"

German Blu Rays I Own (In Absence of a UK Release) With Fun Titles #3 "And Now For Something Completely Different" (1971) = "Monty Python's Wonderful World of Gravity"

German Blu Rays I Own (In Absence of a UK Release) With Fun Titles #2 "Delirious" (1991) = "Jack Alone In TV Series Frenzy" (After a blow to the head, John Candy awakes to find himself trapped in the TV soap opera he created)

German Blu Rays I Own (In Absence of a UK Release) With Fun Titles #1 "The Cassandra Crossing" (1976) = "Rendezvous At The Bridge Of Death" (literal translation is "Meeting Point Death Bridge")

"The U.S. has massive amounts of 'munitions,' especially of certain types" Classic vague nonsense that tells you they've got fucking nothing. "The 'leakers' of these treasonous statements are being hunted down" And, that confirms it. He must punish the ones that expose his stupidity.

Trump denies US munitions shortage and said he'd seek to jail 'leakers'

While precise data is classified, publicly available information suggests the US has used up many difficult-to-manufacture weapons.

bbc.co.uk

Ja, es ist wahr. Diese mann keine schwanz haben.

Okay, who in The Range's design department thought these phrases were a good idea for coat hooks? "Wet Stuff"? "Self Love Club"? If I saw these I'd be worried I was entering a home where it was not only accepted but actively encouraged to sit around wanking while making chit chat over a cuppa.

Another week off work that I've decided to spend decorating. At least when I'm done it'll be a definite personal achievement unlocked - redecorating the whole house top to bottom entirely by myself. It's a small, but important step closer to feeling proper manly and handy.

They say you should only say good things of someone when they die. Rod Liddle is dead. Good.

Since there seems to be no firm agreement on what Trump's dance should be called I'd like to propose "The Ghost Wank Threesome"

If anything could push Trump to the point where his mask finally slips all the way off and he ends up using the N-word in public, this is surely a contender.

Mrs. Betty Bowers@mrsbettybowers.bsky.social · 2w ago

No lies detected.

Decided to treat myself. Stars Trek and Wars have a special place in my heart, and childhood, but in the great debate about which is better the answer is neither: Farscape is better than both. (yeah, come at me, fanboys, I'll toss your glowing sticks and warp drives down a wormhole) 😁

I want the pathologist carrying out my post-mortem to fill every available internal cavity with popcorn kernels before I'm cremated so I can give one last, brief moment of unexpected silliness for someone.

fesshole 🧻@fesshole.bsky.social · 2w ago

At his request I snuck some fireworks into my great uncle's coffin during the open casket. Not sure if they check for things like that.

All my ex learned is that being able to express the most passionate of desires for a comic book character in her writings, whilst simultaneously showing no intimate feelings for her partner whatsoever, guarantees a massive argument that ultimately marks the beginning of the end of the relationship.

Anon Opin@anonopin.bsky.social · 2w ago

There's no better way to learn to write great stories than to contribute erotic literature to online forums. You'll get feedback on everything from spelling and grammar, through structure, to how to describe an intimate encounter. Great writing experience.

I sometimes forget the dodgy "Japanese" Sean Connery scenes in "You Only Live Twice" #yikes "You must now do everything Japanese-style" I doubt whether Bond would be all that keen on having sex with a tentacle monster while dressed as schoolgirl.

Thank you, the pharmacy, for texting me to let me know my prescriptions are ready to collect ... ... 3 minutes before you shut for the day.

Efforts to rid myself of excess weight going well. Lost 5kg in two weeks. Although, since I'm back to doing a daily 5km walk, and I've had to give up crisps, I've also lost the will to live. Still, at least I might be vaguely physically desirable again sometime soon 😁

Book blurbs deciphered #booksky

I'm starting to think that, in "Final Destination", the decision to memorialise the victims of flight 180 with an eagle is a giant "fuck you". "To honour those who died as a result of something catastrophically failing to fly, here's a statue of something that's *really* good at it"

Bill Oddie, noooooo!

If we're outlawing photographic clichés, how about comedians and promo shots where they're holding a mic with one hand, and doing the quizzical, bemused "isn't life oddly curious?" head-scratch with the other? You just look like you're announcing to the world that you've got nits, you daft fuckers.

Anon Opin@anonopin.bsky.social · 3w ago

Sporty people, congratulations if you've won a medal, but stop doing the "bite the medal" photo. It's so stupid looking.