When I was younger I wanted to be a chiropractor. But then I found out it was back-breaking work. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I got a job working shifts as a piece in a 24-hour human chess game. I’m on knights this week. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

What do you call a reindeer who can write with his left and his right hoof? Bambidextorous. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I need training before I start my new job at a restaurant. I can’t wait. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why did the elf turn his phone to silent? He was bored of the rings. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’ve almost perfected my mime Elvis act. Just need a little less conversation. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My wife was fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m addicted to pressing the F1 key on my computer. I’m trying to get help. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I just started volunteering to clean litter off the side of the road. I didn’t get any training, but I’ll pick it up as I go along. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

“You’ve got mail”, said the blacksmith as he delivered the knight’s new armor. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I know someone who was going to propose using a helium balloon. He popped the question. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I ordered a lockable box and a speaker online. They arrived, safe and sound. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My local bank is installing an ATM in a tree. If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Last night I dreamed I had an identical twin. This morning, when I woke up, I was beside myself! #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I used to be great at stopping myself from being hit by hailstones by wearing a suit of armor. Now I’m a bit rusty. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Doctor: “Have you experienced any unexplained weight gain this year?” Me: “No, I can probably explain it all.” #funny #jokes #dadjokes

A group of guys covered in coal dust walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve miners”. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

It turns out I need to lose weight to get my pilot’s license. Chocs away! #funny #jokes #dadjokes

The scissors were going to stand for president of the stationery cupboard … But they couldn’t find anyone to run with them. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Where do beekeepers stay on vacation? At an Air Bee & Bee. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I’m seeing a therapist about my kleptomania issues. I’ve taken something valuable from every session. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I always found it hard to learn to play the harp. It’s not an easy instrument to pick up. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I went to see a play about fly fishing. The cast was amazing. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I was examining my tomato plants looking for caterpillar tracks. That’s when I got run over by a tank. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

My friend was hit by a drum kit the other day. The doctor says he has percussion. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I have a pet tree. It’s like having a pet dog except the bark is quieter. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I tripped and hit my head on a pillow. Got a concushion. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

Did you hear about the explosion at the bathroom showroom? Authorities are warning residents to expect scattered showers. #funny #jokes #dadjokes

I took a nasty tumble while boarding a flight yesterday and ended up in the hospital. Luckily, the doctor says it’s just an airline fracture. #funny #jokes #dadjokes