A “U-betcha” is basically required when shopping for organic cheese trim ends. 🧀🐄 #wisco #uffda #yourdialectisshowing

Energy industry Spokeswoman "We continue to advocate for a reasoned & practical approach.” Translation - "FU, don't tell us what to do!!" #coal

Yes, that is me wearing a straw hat the size of a satellite dish when I step outside to water plants on these hot, hot sunny days. 🌞🔥

When you are very small and like hanging out with your sock monkey posse - particularly the pirate, who is also missing his left eye. 😸 #cats #brothersfromadifferentmother

My toe nails are painted the same color as Babe the Big Blue Ox. #immensebovine #paulbunyan

Note to random child on sidewalk who seems personally offended that I don't have a doggy - I like doggies very much, but don't have a fenced yard so kitties work better for our lifestyle right now. Get over it!

The Onion is proof that you don't need AI to have a good time.

Note to dude casually chatting outside the 3rd floor window (roofer? window washer?) - Strike a different pose. Your hairy armpit pressed against the glass is really startling for people coming around the corner in that stairwell.

Note to neighbor using a weed whacker in the dark - Not to worry! You are minutes from 2 excellent Emergency Room facilities and I can fashion a tourniquet from a broom handle & a torn section of the porch drapes to keep you from bleeding out before you get there.

A guy just said to me "I have a phone full of doorknobs" & that made perfect sense in the context of our conversation. 🗝🔑 #lockitup

Owen Mulligan (Eoin Ó Maolagáin) strikes a pose… #thingsthatmakemesmile #catsofbluesky

In the space of five minutes, I was referred to both as "girl" and "ma'am". Strange. Which part of the age spectrum am I supposed to occupy? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Owen Mulligan (Eoin Ó Maolagáin) - always judging you 😾 #thingsthatmakemesmile #catsofbluesky

Much needed week of vacation R&R really compromised on last day by having to extricate a stinking dead opossum from where it was wedged in the vent opening at the back of the dryer. 😮 #headacheisreal #makethesmellgoaway

Fashion Police Update - Dude in perfect cargos, Vans & retro T. 2 👍🏽👍🏽 for your classic summer look! Unfortunately, since you are riding a skate board the wrong way up the road while playing a guitar & listening to headphones, tragedy is inevitable & we probably won’t see your classic fall look.🙁 #FPU

Neighbor is in day 4 of project in garage that involves RELENTLESS power sanding. That's going to be some extremely smooth wood... #whiiiirrrrrrrrriiirrr #icanhearyou

Note to gal wearing flip flops & bikini to mow lawn on an incline - Don't worry, they can do some really cool things to integrate scars into tattoos! But toe amputation recovery can be kind of tricky... 👙👣

Spouse - "Trees fall down in the woods all the time." Translation - You've got to get over your weird resistance to having the old unhealthy trees in the yard professionally removed.

When they refuse to open your box so you just have to make it work. 😾📦 #catsofbluesky #thingsthatmakemesmile

Corn fritters - delicious golden patties that can burn down your house or permanently disfigure your face! 🌽 #yum #theyearofcookingdangerously

Note to Interstate Fair - "Mr. Ed's Magical Midways Special Ride Promotion" sounds pretty pervy. I'd rephrase.

Fashion Police Update - 2 thumbs way up 👍🏽👍🏽 for the vintage cool look of gal in black/white micro stripe long sleeve tee shirt and vintage design floral shorts riding bike downtown. Audrey Hepburn called, she wants her look back. #FPU #icanseeyou

This is not a carnation or a peony. It is a pink ruffled annual Poppy that seeded itself from my former neighbor's yard. She died many years ago and I think she'd be pleased that the flowers live on. She always had a beautiful garden. 👵🏼 🌺

A character in the movie “The Northman” is wearing a folded blanket as a shawl that looks exactly like the lightweight summer blanket on our bed right now and I am positive that there wasn’t a Company Store Outlet in Iceland in 849 A.D. 🤔 #itsamystery

Rescued a frantic baby cardinal from the egress window well, much to the chagrin of the cats, who were enjoying their view of its terror and distress. 😾

When you are very large and your box is not quite big enough... 😸 (He did it himself! He was not forced into the box.) 📦 #cats #thingsthatmakemesmile

Note to owner of size 10 red, white & blue bikini bottom - it's lying on the Jackson Street 2100 block boulevard if you are wondering where that ran off to. 👙 #patrioticpants

Note to neighbor mowing in the rain & impending thunderstorm - Not to worry! We live 8 minutes from 2 highly rated Emergency Medical facilities and after you get hit by lightening 🌩 ⚡️ we can use the hammock as a sling to transport your charred body.