Not many people know this, but Mitch McConnell already has a body of water named after him, it’s called The Dead Sea.

Young men are reportedly adopting bad hygiene habits to release “pheromones” to attract women. Unfortunately, the only thing they’re attracting is the no-deodorant crowd at Walmart.

If Donald Trump can rename Lake Ontario “Lake America”, Pete Hegseth should be allowed to rename the Mississippi River the “Whiskey River.”

Donald Trump posted an AI video of armed ducks with his hairstyle marching around Lake Ontario/America. Natalie Harp saw the video and immediately offered to wipe their bills.

The FBI will no longer disqualify applicants who hired prostitutes or engaged in bestiality. Apparently, they’re tired of losing qualified applicants to the Republican Party.

Since Donald Trump renamed Lake Ontario “Lake America”, RFK Jr. renamed measles “Patriot Bumps.”

Donald Trump will not attend the 25th anniversary of 9/11 memorial because event organizers will not allow him to make a speech at the event. Trump was devastated. Natalie Harp hasn’t seen him this upset since she ran out of wet wipes.

Donald Trump posted an AI-generated imagine of himself and Dolly Parton at the White House. He said they were discussing his role in the movie “The Best Little Whorehouse on Epstein Island.”

Donald Trump said he’s considering renaming the Atlantic or Pacific Ocean. First he has to figure out which one is next to Epstein Island.

Donald Trump signed an executive order to rename Lake Ontario to Lake America. He also renamed Natalie Harp “Ass Wiper One.”

Donald Trump honored the life of Dolly Parton by wearing a wig.

To be fair, Lindsey Graham was the first Southern queen this year to die.

Kristi Noem’s husband will pay tribute to Tim Curry by wearing a corset, fishnet stockings, and high heels.

Two unvaccinated people have died of measles in Pennsylvania. RFK Jr. called the deaths preventable, then said, “They should’ve eaten more snips and snails and puppy-dog tails.”

Dolly Parton died? Why couldn’t it have been Kid Rock?

Donald Trump said he is considering changing the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America.” He got the idea after Natalie Harp told him there wasn’t enough water in Lake Erie to wash her hands after changing him.

The White House cropped Natalie Harp out of a video featuring Donald and Melania Trump at the Freedom250 IndyCar Grand Prix. Being cropped out is the closest she’s come to getting a day off from wiping Trump’s ass.

San Francisco 49ers owner Jed York allegedly arranged to pay $140 for sex at a trailer park in East Palestine, Ohio. For $140 at an East Palestine trailer park, the happy ending is your catalytic converter still being there afterward.

A former Trump staffer has claimed that Melania Trump only shows up for her husband when paid. Natalie Harp will apparently wipe his ass pro bono.

Donald Trump has reportedly gained over 20 pounds since his 2024 campaign. Doctors say he could lose 20 pounds immediately if they surgically removed Natalie Harp from his hip.

Melania Trump left Donald Trump at the Freedom 250 Grand Prix as soon as Natalie Harp was spotted in the booth. She wanted to give them some privacy while Natalie wiped his ass.

RFK Jr. got interrupted by a “quack” ringtone from his cell phone during his speech on autism. That’s his ringtone for Dr. Oz.

Trump had a little Natalie, whose fleece was yellow. Everywhere that Trump went, Natalie was sure to go.

I’m getting to the age where I also need Natalie Harp to wipe my ass.

Natalie Harp begs for Donald Trump’s love so much people mistake her for Don Jr. and Eric.

Hopefully Donald Trump won’t leave a brown stain on Natalie Harp’s blue dress.

Natalie Harp should’ve written Donald Trump a letter that said, “At least you’re decomposing slower than Mitch McConnell.”

Natalie Harp has been seen carrying a diaper bag and is rumored to wipe Donald Trump’s ass. If true, she’s the closest anyone’s gotten to Trump’s ass since Ted Cruz.

Pete Hegseth reportedly likes to have his wife travel with him to “keep him out of trouble.” He playfully calls her “the ol’ ball and keg.”

A Flock camera, but for finding out why Natalie Harp follows Donald Trump around like he’s about to escape in a catering truck.