Today i woke up late because i forgot to set an alarm and then spilled coffee on my blue dress shirt three separate times
All I’m saying is that if god was really so kind he would make it so i could eat candy all day and not become extremely unhealthy
They should make a new kind of animal maybe something that looks like a monkey or a little dog
Every day on my bus ride i pass these luxury apartments and i can see in the windows and they all have the ugliest lamps imaginable
They passed a new law you’re allowed to pet a cats belly now and the cat can’t even get mad or bite you
I had a dream that my beard and mustache were shaved off and then i woke up and then i went back to sleep and had a dream where a small snake got eaten by a big snake who was then eaten by a huge snake what do you think this means for my future
Beavers are one of the best creatures like imagine seeing a tree and just being like “I need to destroy this at once”
Jane Austen is cool but i think her characters drink too much tea
DO NOT LOOK AT THIS IMAGE IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART OR FRAIL IN ANY WAY VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK
Multi view tv is cool until you’re stuck in two commercial breaks at once and it feels like some kind of dystopian torture device
Coding looks sooooo easy all you have to do is play on the computer all day and then you get paid 200k a year
I think monsters are real I’m pretty sure i saw a Frankenstein yesterday
I used to be a professor until i did the 100 Beer challenge and lost my job
I like when cats make this face they look like a grumpy old man
