They turned the friggin' frogs gay. Buy one now at store.theonion.com.

Ah yes, the epic tale of Odysseus, from whom we get the word "odyssey" - and Telemachus, from whom we get the word "telemarketing."

... yeah okay I'll put fark back on my news bookmarks. Because the internet really is that bad.

Drew Curtis@drewcurtis.bsky.social · last wk.

And deep down in the comment thread that ensued, is possibly the greatest endorsement of Fark, ever: I LITERALLY LEFT FARK AND HAD TO COME BACK BECAUSE THE REST OF THE INTERNET IS SO BAD I'll take it :) Also it's true

me, looking at the kaweco light blue lunar sport: "is the blue in the room with us?"

I assume you get a point for each one.

I truly despise the NYT, but I also know that's not the hill to die on. I'd rather Ken be an ally to the transgender community than eject him for a subscription to a newspaper I don't think he should be funding. It's not like he's starring in a Harry Potter remake.

Ken Jennings@kenjennings.bsky.social · 3d ago

I saw yesterday that some right-wing outlets were running stories about me, which I’m used to. But this time I’m going to say something about it, because these were framed to imply that I was aligned with their own transphobia. ⬇️

This is from 2019. Social media is never beating the allegation that we all never bother to read the actual articles before popping.

Asperas Bompar@asperasbompar.bsky.social · 6d ago

Wakanda tariffs going to get doubled now

No professional accomplishment has ever made me happier than this. theonion.com/translator-o...

Translator Of Original ‘Minions’ Epic Poem Slams ‘Sexless, Bloodless’ Film Adaptation

PHILADELPHIA—In a 4,500-word essay published in Harper’s Magazine, Emily Wilson, known for her popular translation of the Minions epic poem, blasted the latest film Thursday as a “sexless, bloodless” ...

theonion.com

you: fist fighting some reddit nerd for Odyssey IMAX tickets. me: scrabbling for decent tickets to the Ghost concert movie. we're not that different tbh.

Matt Damon, aka Odysseus, has often been on a difficult quest to get home (Private Ryan, Interstellar, Martian, etc). One of the first was Damon as Spirit the Wild Stallion, a film I watched dozens of times with my eldest daughter when she was little.

Spirit Stallion

Alt: Wild horse running, from Disney movie Spirit

static.klipy.com

The John Carpenter Method reigns supreme. Give a dude the barest amount of money and imagination sparks to life. Too much money and you have to hope the editor is on that shit.

EMILY WILSON@emilyrcwilson.bsky.social · last wk.

7. I liked Nolan's low-budget early films - have seen Memento 3 times - but I think the money is a trap. It's easier to suspend disbelief if the actors are less famous. The huge budget leads him to attempt grand jam-packed epics, when he's better at taut, very premise-y small films.

If you have time to be mad at a professor for writing a review of a Christopher Nolan movie you have time to clean your house and take care of your yard and make dinner for your family, extended or nuclear or whatever, and go to the gym and get 8 hours of sleep. And then you won't bother being mad.

I'm not usually the person I become on turnpikes.

I'm sorry, I'm fucking hyped for a Gosling Ghost Rider

holy fuuuuuuuck some asshole "trainer" out here told her a 4 year old pit can't be retrained and now that's gospel fuck me I cannot save this dog is there anyone in the northwestern mitten of Michigan that can help me steal a pitbull Sunday morning and get him across three states

Maggie Sharp@maggieds.bsky.social · 2w ago

Message to all old rural white women: DON'T GET THAT FUCKING PITTY RESCUE UNLESS YOU COMMIT TO GETTING HIM TRAINED. this poor fucking good dog is being condemned because my mom is too weak from cancer to keep him under control and has never gotten her dogs trained.

Oh, Laura Ingraham fucking sucks so bad. I'd get out of this room but there's a giant puppy on me

There's almost nothing about this on Fox, of course. Their audience is blaming lib policies and other garbage.

CNBC@cnbc.com · 2w ago

Trump to slap 'sweeping' new tariffs on 60 trade partners as global duties expire

This article has likewise stayed engraved in my brain since its release.

ashley fairbanks@ziibiing.com · 2w ago

I just read that another child died in a hot car in Florida, the fifth child to die that way this year in the state. It takes me back to this article, which I read over a decade ago and still think about. It is a horrifying way for a child to die, and a horrific thing for a parent to live with.

I don't even want Jesse Walters to get cancer and I loathe him. Fistulas, maybe. Shingles. Warts. Plantar fasciitis. Hit by a truck, even. But not cancer.

decades of copaganda and journalistic capture from the worst people on earth means you have people who genuinely believe folks are all out attacking these poor innocent cops and ice. They don't know how badly these fuckers are trained and they're so isolated from reality it's hard to fight.

Message to all old rural white women: DON'T GET THAT FUCKING PITTY RESCUE UNLESS YOU COMMIT TO GETTING HIM TRAINED. this poor fucking good dog is being condemned because my mom is too weak from cancer to keep him under control and has never gotten her dogs trained.

oh my god, the amount of air Fox spends whining about "woke."

Your fox news family members genuinely do not know that Ted Cruz fucks off during every disaster. They do not know and don't want to believe that 'that nice man that goes to the military transfers' had a visit from the Taylor farms guys. But BOY are they up to date on NYC politics ... Sort of.

I forgot. I ate a salad. I'm in Michigan. Pray for the Shit Demon to pass my door by.

Haven't watched The Terminator in a while but that line about 'The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them EASY' is going to hit way harder in the age of checking the fingers on every hand and all the text on every piece of art.

I took a bunch of superhero shit off mute at the exact wrong time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

they really do just report on the most petty shit

holy shiiiiiiiitttt fox plays commercials for a river cruise line that visits plantations because of course it does