Humperdinck? I didn't even touch her dinck!

TheTruth or Consequences, New Mexico—a town originally known as Hot Springs—is changing its name to Fuck Around and Find Out, New Mexico.

I prefer lurking to stalking. It's a lot less work.

Blue-haired barista, green-haired barista, pink-haired barista. Diversity.

New Havaianas! It seems my feet are going on vacation.

I get on the train, I find a seat, and as the train departs I have an overwhelming sensation that the train is traveling in the exact opposite direction. This is not a dream but something that happens regularly. It's a kind of directional vertigo. Amtrak--my personal ticket to the twilight zone.

Yesterday I saw Ed Hardy booty shorts on an actual booty. I am still recovering.

Your thumb, your fingers

Somewhere there is a video of JD Vance singing along to "I Feel Like a Woman." Dude loves Shania.

- Dusky Ivy. Five letters. - Brown. - Of course. Thank you, dear.

Nothing says legit like "body language expert" with one, two--count 'em--three Silver Buttons behind him. Four you can trade for a hotel on Oriental Avenue.

I'm interfacing with you as a human being. Why would I deceive you?

I'm downgrading Trump's brain from porridge to gelato.

I get all the exercise I need running after the President's golf cart!

I'm more than heartsick. I've got the Texas melancholies.

Nothing says I AM A TOOL like a letterman jacket.

"The Last Picture Show," "Hud." Sometimes you're in the mood for Texas elegies.

Did your boyfriend die in Ukraine? Maybe he shouldn't have been in Ukraine.

Enchirito plus a gummy. The Zenchirito.

A fork makes a passable whisk, but a whisk is a terrible fork.

Donald Trump is a shriveled-up frontal lobe encased in two hundred pounds of human cheeseburger.

Donald Trump is twenty percent dead. Mitch McConnell is sixty percent dead. Herman Cain is one thousand percent dead.

Kentucky is the only state represented in the Senate by both a living person and an undead person.

Gulf of America, Lake America - toponymic imperialism

"Lake America" sounds like an RV resort. Classy.

They should just make roads that don't need fixing.

Trojan horse full of donuts. Tempting.

I remember when Donald Trump rescued people on 9/11. The fireman carried him on their shoulders to celebrate.

He's Paul Giamatti. He's acting as loud as he can.

Before television came to Scotland they would just lick frogs and stare at tartans.