Sometimes I look at my coping mechanism and just have to tell myself “at least it’s not drugs” Cause if that’s the standard I’m doing amazing

Having littles in the system means stuffed animals just got put on our “talk about in therapy today” list and it is 100% serious 😭😭

On the topic of things I hate Speaking up for myself. It makes me wanna puke and die (probably at the same time)

I hate being an adult. I had to wake up early to make some phone calls and I hate it. I want sleep. I want to not have to be responsible

For once in my life I’d like to be wrong It seems as tho I may have accurately project another disorder/condition My doctor said the gallstones are likely not causing issues rn which means I was right 🫠🫩 I just wanna be wrong once and it actually be a tiny small fixable issue 😭😭

It’s just hit me I’m going to have to tell another person about my father within the like next week ish And I’m not loving that I honestly try to forget he exists because talking about him comes with talking about one of the most sensitive topics probably ever and that isn’t fun

I am so done with the constant appts I have one tomorrow One next week and One the week after that And just medical stuff not therapy or MH based treatment

After a little bit of googling idk if gallstones are the cause of my symptoms It’s mostly right side pain and upper abdominal pain according to the Mayo Clinic and that’s like 1% of my symptoms and not even full story of the 1% So either we ain’t got the full picture or the Mayo Clinic is wrong 🙃🫠

It’s gonna be some sick and twisted joke if I have gallstones and delayed gastric emptying I’m considering finding god and fighting him if I have both cause he’s not as funny as he thinks he is

Sometimes I forget how badly my dissociative disorder effects my pain tolerance, recognition of symptoms, and the normalization of symptoms Like wdym I’m supposed to be in excruciating pain from [insert issue]?? I barely feel it and even when I do its not even 10/10 pain

I probably have gallstones 😀 No clue what that means but I can for sure say it isn’t fun

Being the youngest in the waiting room is something I’ll never get over or stop being sad about in general Everyone is probably at least 50+ and I’m 22

Being chronically ill and having a best friend is so weird sometimes I just had to text him and warn him about an ultrasound I’m getting so I didn’t scare him shitless when I randomly drop the info that I’m at a hospital tomorrow morning

I say this a lot but I can’t stand my mother Instead of being happy I was *finally* able to shower after like a month cause my chronic illnesses are causing too many issues to worry about hygiene She’s worried I’m going to wake up my uncle by tapping my conditioner bottle

The need to take albuterol and nausea meds overlap ever so slightly so now Idk if I need one or both or neither The life of allergies ig

I genuinely can’t stand my mother someday Instead of asking the pharmacy that has the information she came home and asked me with a fraction of the information I’d need to answer the question God forbid a man wants his mom to use her brain 🙄

I genuinely have zero clue how I will be able to fix my sleep schedule in like a week and a half I have to go from 1:30pm wake up time to 7/7:30am wake up time 😭😭

Being a system of “why do we need sleep that’s wasted time” and “it’s okay you’re allowed to rest” is the bane of all of our existence cause Then we just stay up all night and feel guilty about it

I just found out day light savings on Sunday I am so busy next week. I can’t be adjusting to a new schedule on top of the stress of next week 😭😭 Being and adult is NOT worth it

Just some random thoughts about therapy I think I’m too self aware or too good at self therapizing. I do all the things that a therapist would recommend or want me to learn Self soothing, comfort items, safe exposures to triggers, recoding negative connotations, writing, etc.

I’m tweaking over this whole not having access to my regular therapist for 6-8 weeks thing I’m praying to whatever higher power exists that I can just move my appointment to after program is over each day so there’s no scheduling conflict I need my weekly appt like I need air to breathe

If one more doctor charts something I never said or calls me “Class three severe obese“ or whatever the proper term is I will loose my mind My weight was only ever a problem when I dropped like ten pounds from malnutrition and I‘ve been in absolute hell trying to maintain my body’s healthy weight

I think ppl forget those who have attachment issues and really vulnerable things to talk about in therapy will get attached to their therapist I am very attached to mine because we have a rapport and I trust her and we’ve built our therapeutic relationship

The ED clinic wants me to do partial hospitalization Which is just you go home after instead of living in I can do virtual so it’s not a big problem but damn I wasn’t expecting the big guns days one 😭😭

If my bio says I am chronically ill maybe let’s not say shit like “just be glad you don’t have the lower back pain ppl in their 30s do” I actually developed my chronic back pain at 19/20 but I have had it off and on since I was a child due to said chronic illness and family history

Me: I struggle with sleeping, eating, talking, standing, walking, cognitive function, and have full body pain 24/7 that requires a mobility aid and all of this disables me and prevents me from having a job Government: are you really disabled tho cause according to our rules your perfectly fine

The constant nausea ppl are so much better than me. I’m gonna crash out Instead of adnominal pain I’m getting discomfort and lots of nausea rn I think id rather have the pain tbh 😭😭

I just went and looked at the Washington DSHS website (like the official .gov site) and as long as nothing changes from today to the first I should still get my benefits cause it isn’t food assistance I think I might pass out from relief (not literal)

Just wanna warn any fandom accounts that have started following me here I don’t talk about that on this page. This is my “I have a shitty family and bad health“ vent page Feel free to stay if that’s your jam but if its not I promise you’ll have more fun on @logannotfound.bsky.social (my other page)

I got my intake appt with the ED clinic but now I have to decide one if I tell them about my preferred name and pronouns and two if I tell them about my OSDD Both are important bits of info about me but *gestures to the current state of trans rights*