I need to start centering myself again. I’m a god or whatever. I should be self obsessed
Unfortunately, my girlfriend frequently falls into a trap that picrel actually warns about, which is trying to mitigate everything that causes me intense emotions, even when it's at her own expense...
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 9h agoGirlfriend told me that, starting next week, she'll have to go back to her city for uni and we won't see each other for three days a week until the end of the semester... 😣
Girlfriend told me that, starting next week, she'll have to go back to her city for uni and we won't see each other for three days a week until the end of the semester... 😣
The cravings and stomach ache went away a little bit after I injected estrogen... I guess I should really start believing in karma... -_____-
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 2d agoIf this shit goes away after the injection I'm gonna scream... I thought trans girl periods were a myth made up by r/mtf sneedhons, this can't be happening to me... 😭😭😭
REMEMBER: it is not over until you think it is over. if you decide that it is back, it is back. it is always back if you believe it is back. time is nonlinear. you will never forget this because you already remembered it.
I woke up with a stomach ache that of course immediately got interpreted as "period cramps" by my girlfriend... 😔
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 3d agoI'm having cravings for chocolate ice cream and my girlfriend is making fun of me for supposedly "being on my period..." 😔
The real lesson here is that I can't keep going like this... My girlfriend didn't come to save me, because I never actually asked her to save me. I was unable to communicate clearly because I was overtaken by my emotions. My refusal to use skills self-sabotaged me in this situation...
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 4d agoI was in significant physical pain and trapped in a social situation that I desperately wanted to leave but couldn't and I had a panic attack because of that and my girlfriend completely refused to help me... I had to spend two extra hours in distress because of her refusal to do anything...
Honestly... I'm weirdly scared that if I somehow actually learn how to effectively regulate my emotions I'll just lose myself...
I'm having cravings for chocolate ice cream and my girlfriend is making fun of me for supposedly "being on my period..." 😔
I believe that others can somehow get me out of those overwhelming emotions and just refuse to do so because they don't understand the extent of my suffering, because the alternative is accepting that my emotions are truly completely uncontrollable and I am fundamentally broken beyond repair...
I find blood weirdly mesmerizing... Back in the day I fantasized about wearing a white dress and stabbing myself in the neck and making a huge mess in my last moments... But in reality I'm just waaaay too scared of the pain...
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 4d agomood
bitches be like "linux is too hard :(" BROTHER WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS????
Withholding HRT is abuse. Advocating for restrictions on HRT is advocating for abuse.
Thousands of cuts, not one of them needed stitches... I'm a pathetic failure... Is this why nobody takes my pain seriously?
My empathy is treated like a flaw... They blame *me* when I can't look away and become distressed when horrifying things are happening to other people... Nobody blames the evil people inflicting these horrors...
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 4d agoThe world is extremely evil and terrible and things are constantly getting worse, but when I don't just shrug in the face of all that evil, and actually become scared about my future everyone just treats me as if I'm completely hysterical...
The world is extremely evil and terrible and things are constantly getting worse, but when I don't just shrug in the face of all that evil, and actually become scared about my future everyone just treats me as if I'm completely hysterical...
It really hurts to see how much less valuable my life is compared to that of a cishet person in the eyes of most people... 😖
Found some mold on a wall yesterday... And now, in a dream I just had, there was mold on my arm that spread all over my skin and turned it blue. Other people were affected by it too and they turned completely blue... The mold is invading my dreams to tell me it's going to take over humanity... 😨😭
I was in significant physical pain and trapped in a social situation that I desperately wanted to leave but couldn't and I had a panic attack because of that and my girlfriend completely refused to help me... I had to spend two extra hours in distress because of her refusal to do anything...
70% of people diagnosed with borderline have experienced some form of sexual violence, usually in childhood. BPD is also the only form of madness that is highly sexualized. It is gendered, too, affecting women and trans people by massive margins. Pathologizing BPD is part of blaming survivors.
Ahana the Solar Bunny ☀️ 🐰@antisanitygirl.bsky.social · 5d agoPersonality disorders are institutionalized victim-blaming, and the oppression of people with BPD is a result of rape culture.
Mhm, so if I cut out caffeine completely and avoid getting triggered by social media or overwhelming work tasks, the vyvanse just gives me a weird feeling of apathy and emptiness instead... which is better than the anxiety but not actually pleasant either 😐
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 2w agoI feel like a small prey animal... I'm in a constant state of overwhelming painful anxiety...
I don't think people wouldn't miss me if I died... Some people, like my girlfriend, would probably actually mourn me for a while ... until they realized their lives are just so so much better without my hysterical ass in it...😞
I'm extremely evil and disgusting... I've sent people pictures of fresh SH, I've threatened my girlfriend with suicide and told her it would be her fault, I've blocked people without explanation because they didn't blindly validate delusional out of control emotions...
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 5d agoGod, I really hate that there's so so many horror stories about people with BPD... I wish I didn't have this disgusting disorder... It's so so painful and I'm terrified it's gonna make me an irredeemably evil person... I don't want to hurt people, really. I don't want to be this way.
I kinda wish I never realized I could just pass without makeup and with my hair up... It was easier to be motivated to look as pretty as possible when I believed my survival depended on it... 😐
Oh, apparently, it wasn't just vanilla sex either... they were drunk out of their minds and did some pretty intense BDSM right after arguing with each other and still angry... They're lucky that neither of them had to safeword, because it's not clear how that would have ended... 😐
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 7d agoDodged a bullet I guess... She fucked her ex, who then bragged about it to a friend on Discord. When that friend reacted with concern because he knew their backstory and how toxic they were with each other, they fucked again, with the guy still on the call and able to hear it... 😐
> Why are you posting about this if this is between a person you've blocked on everything and one you've never even talked to, ever... Because I'm spiteful and vindictive and I love gossip, especially when it paints people who hurt me in a negative light :3
MELadapted@meladapted.bsky.social · 7d agoSome people don't seem to understand that toxic yuri fanfics are actually not supposed to be a guide on how to behave in real life lesbian relationships... >_____<