Tessera

Michele one L

@michelehowarth.com

Bridge burning grudge bearer. BuyMyFuckingBook™ direct from www.michelehowarth.com Instagram @wernerherzogmeets https://buymeacoffee.com/michelehowarth

1141 Posts490 Follower 321 Folgt

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · yesterday

This morning I was going through a pile of fabric and came across the bodice from my mum’s wedding dress. Later, going through a box of paperwork I found my parent’s marriage certificate. I’ve not seen it in years, and wasn’t looking for it. All a bit spooky really, given the date… 👻

My parent’s marriage certificate from 4th August 1956.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · yesterday

Because sometimes a chocolate brownie isn’t enough.

Four chocolate brownies topped with some sort of cream with jammie dodgers placed on top.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 4d ago

Frightened furniture. #EstateAgentPix

Two armchairs and a sofa are pushed together against the wall, in a room that’s otherwise empty except for a jug on the window ledge.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last wk.

Rain at last

A small terrier type dog with a wet face, wrapped in a colourful towel.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2w ago

Nellie Pledge.

A black and white photo of the actor Hylda Baker wearing a winter coat with a fur collar. She’s clasping her hands to her breasts.

Nanoraptor@nanoraptor.danamania.com · 2w ago

You suddenly get a narrator describing your life and there’s no way to turn it off - everyone can hear it. While shopping, at work, at home, with friends - the voice narrating your every move goes on. Who do you hope is the voice of this narrator?

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2w ago

Week one of Number Ten in the North. It’s going great.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2w ago

Fully renovated and looking very pleased with herself.

A large vintage table lamp in the form of a fancy woman in a floral dress. The matching shade has frilly lace edging.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2w ago

When I was 15 I went by myself to see these guys at the Liverpool Empire. My dad waited in the car outside. Who’d have thought - certainly not 15 year old me - that all these years later they’d be in me house.

A visitor’s book showing the autographs of the band DEAF SCHOOL.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 3w ago

I’ve been censored! #BUYMYF*****GBOOK™

My poster in the window of the pizza parlour that said BUY MY FUCKING BOOK has had the word fucking covered by a folded piece of paper.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 3w ago

I have some free audiobooks to give away, should anyone want to read my fucking book™ with their ear holes. Just message me for a code. #EarHoleReadingIsProperReading

A screenshot from Audible of my novel Glitterballs, narrated by Stephen Hogan.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 4w ago

Reminded that Widdecombe’s PA was Black Grape’s former manager. #Fact

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 4w ago

Eric and Ern in the days when a heatwave saw little more than the loosening of a tie.

A black and white photograph of Eric Morcambe and Ernie Wise on the beach in Blackpool. They’re seated in deckchairs and are wearing white shirts and have their trousers rolled up. Ernie’s tie is slackened. You can see the Blackpool tower in the background along with an advert for oysters.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

Early 90s. With my then co-writer. Trying to write…

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

Not sure what happened in this room, but I fear it involved a gun. #EstateAgentPix

An empty room with brown patterned carpet and a wood burning stove. One wall is painted blue, the other is wallpapered. There is a piece of wood fixed to the wallpapered wall and three large red/brown stains trickle down underneath it.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

Someone’s giving away yellow Le Creuset pans on the local giveaway site and the whole town has lost its shit.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

A million songs have been written about young love, but how many about enduring love within a long marriage? I tell you how many. ONE*. This one. Happy birthday Robert Forster. *I might be wrong, but you get my drift.

Robert Forster – Tender Years

YouTube video by Tapete Records

youtu.be

Tits McGee @scientits.bsky.social · last mo.

‘Say yes and never do it’ Mel Brooks knew how to deal with the studios

You have some wonderful stories of basically getting away with stuff at the studios.

I’d learned one very simple trick: say yes. Simply say yes. Like Joseph E. Levine, on “The Producers,” said, “The curly-haired guy—he’s funny looking. Fire him.” He wanted me to fire Gene Wilder. And I said, “Yes, he’s gone. I’m firing him.” I never did. But he forgot. After the screening of “Blazing Saddles,” the head of Warner Bros. threw me into the manager’s office, gave me a legal pad and a pencil, and gave me maybe twenty notes. He would have changed “Blazing Saddles” from a daring, funny, crazy picture to a stultified, dull, dusty old Western. He said, “No farting.” I said, “It’s out.”

That’s probably the most famous scene in the movie, the campfire scene.

I know. He said, “You can’t punch a horse.” I said, “You’ll never see it again.” I kept saying, “You’re absolutely right. It’s out!” Then, when he left, I crumpled up all his notes, and I tossed it in the wastepaper basket. And John Calley, who was running [production at] Warner Bros. at the time, said, “Good filing.” That was the end of it. You say yes, and you never do it.

That’s great advice for life.

It is. Don’t fight them. Don’t waste your time struggling with them and trying to make sense to them. They’ll never understand.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

I’m wondering what’s in the bucket... #EstateAgentPix

An estate agent’s photo of a toilet that appears to be covered in poo.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

I made my dog into a table lamp.

A ceramic table lamp base in the form of a small black and cream terrier type dog, with black spotted lampshade.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · last mo.

My grandparents, togged up proper on the beach.

My grandmother and grandfather are sitting in deckchairs,behind a red striped windbreaker. My grandmother is wearing a pink coat, court shoes a beret and white earrings. She has a large white handbag next to her. My grandfather is wearing a suit and tie, socks and brogues. He appears to have a coat draped over the back of his deck chair.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 6mo ago

I know I’m a bit of a nitwit on here, but look at my massive disembodied head on a screen, being taken seriously by the man of the moment.

Andy Burnham sitting on a stage with a huge screen behind him where you can just make out the right side of my massive disembodied head.

Philip Bump @pbump.com · 2mo ago

I’m sorry, no. This is not the guy who did the reflecting pool. No. Come on. We’re just putting a hat on a hat here. www.nytimes.com/2026/06/18/u...

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

What’s he doing now???

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

So the local bookshop might not have been particularly supportive of my book, but the pizza place has got right behind it. #BuyMyFuckingBook™

The window of a pizza parlour is covered in various flyers and posters for events, including one that says BUY MY FUCKING BOOK along with a QR code for buying my novel Glitterballs.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

Don’t bother asking me for owt over the next week or so, cos I’m busy looking after this guy.

A baby jackdaw with a cocked head looking straight at the camera.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

I don’t want to buy this house, but I would quite like to meet the people who live there. #EstateAgentPix

An Estate Agent pic of an opulent sitting room, with a deep red theme. It has ruched red velvet curtains with tassel fringing - the ceiling has been covered in gathered red fabric also. The walls are wallpaper in red damask with a floral border. There are Victorian dolls, a parasol and many knickknacks.

An Estate Agent photograph of a bedroom with a beige and green colour scheme. It is dominated by a ruched fabric ceiling.

An Estate Agent photograph of a gold themed Bathroom, with lace curtains and a ruched fabric ceiling. Every surface is covered in decorative knickknacks.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

Been partying with one of my most favourite people on the planet. Happy 87th birthday Brucie.

Bruce Mitchell wearing a green velvet fez, a monocle and a badge that says BIRTHDAY WANKER.

Bruce Mitchell wearing a green velvet fez and holding up a black T-shirt that says STOP GOING ON ABOUT THE HACIENDA.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

Seems bookshop.org have decided to list my book again. They’ll probably change their minds so if you fancy supporting an indie bookshop, do it soon before they bump me again. Alternatively support an indie me & buy direct michelehowarth.com You’ll get it quicker & the code FACEFLANNEL gives 10% off.

A screenshot of Glitterballs on the bookshop.org to site.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

FUNERAL PIGEON UPDATE: She’s off to a wildlife sanctuary with her lover, where they’ll have a lot more space, while remaining safe, warm and fed. Anyone following her story who’d like to donate to the rescue who’ve kept her safe for the last nine months, can do so here: ko-fi.com/calderdalebi...

A grey and a white pigeon are together in a crate en route to their new life at a bird sanctuary.

Michele one L @michelehowarth.com · 2mo ago

Visited friends from the States who were staying in a Jane Austen novel. #Derbyshire