My tits bounce when I walk. So yes, I do expect princess treatment. 😊

Birds of a feather...

Can't be Trumpers - they've got all of their teeth.

I look at Trump sometimes and think, "Really? That's the sperms that won?"

It's a great day to be an indoorswoman. Just harvested some berries from my frig and slaughtered a Pop-Tart.

And Elon out there saying he has a plan to make sure Democrats can't win in November. Probably the same plan he had in 2024. "Elon knows about those voting machines"...

Won't someone please invent a nightstand the size of a dinner table for all my waters and lotions and books.

Me: "OMG! I love how you feel inside me!" Surgeon: "WHY IS SHE AWAKE?!?"

They haven’t read it, I promise you. If they have, they aren’t internalizing the lessons.

The man who has been advising the Trump cabinet to eat a steak and sauerkraut diet apparently also advises them to skip wiping after going number two.

Kind of wanna look good in my swimsuit. Kind of wanna eat three burritos from Chipotle. Kind of pissed that I have to pick one.

Aging is wild. I sneezed and three things happened that I will not be discussing.

This is completely normal. Nothing to see here. And yes, Trump has more decorations that MacArthur. Because why wouldn't he. There is nothing insane about it. Not insulting to actual soldiers at all. Nope nope.

And just why does he want immunity? Hmmm...🤔

Unless my horoscope says "you should absolutely eat 26 chicken nuggets today" I'm not really interested.

Caught myself absentmindedly drinking a water bottle while peeing, and for a moment knew how rain gutters work.

Consequences are only for the poor.

R stands for Red, Republican, and Rapists.

Abdul El-Sayed wins. A Michigan voter was asked why they voted for him:

If I invite you to my apartment, you can't laugh at my "Lady and The Tramp" collectible plates and that's that.

The term girlfriend implies the existence of a girlfoe. This is a service I am willing to provide.

For the people that say Biden's auto pen isn't valid, unless it is Trump's physical signature on each dollar bill, they should be considered worthless.

"The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command". ~ George Orwell 1984

So I have to cover my tits but your man's face is just allowed anywhere?

Somebody needs to take the checkbook away from the Trump. And the credit cards. And the debit cards. And the IOU's. And the under the table deal making. Maybe the 25th amendment would help us in this situation.

This is accurate. I wish I could say the same for Donald Shit-Stain Trump.

There will be signs. 🤣

Panicked looking for my car keys before remembering I was sitting in, and had just started, my car. I'm available as a life coach.

Me: "I’ll have a Chef Salad, no lettuce." Waiter: "So just a bowl of meats and cheeses?" Me: "Still call it a salad though."

OMG! I love it! 🤣