insane diss i just came up with for if i ever meet bill hader: well well well. why if it isn’t the clown from IT, bill hader
soul nate
@mnateshyamalan.bsky.social
forbes' 7.4 billion under 7.4 billion.
tsa agent: [patting me down] are you sensitive in any areas? me: [whispering, hand on my heart] only here
ignoring family until new years because santa brought you a “perform Warbreaker combos to build Adventure Points” ass video game >>>>
erika kirk and JD vance planning the first annual Charlie Kirk Memorial Charity Gala
erika kirk and JD vance planning the first annual Charlie Kirk Memorial Charity Gala
me: [throwing open blinds] you there! boy! what day is it today? street urchin: why, it’s Christmas Day sir! me: oh, wonderful! that means it’s not too late for BOFA street urchin: what’s- shopkeeper: listen, kid. he does this every day
my mom: [clearing her throat at the dinner table] i don’t know what sixty-seven means
Watching the AI Biden Young Sheldon meme by @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social is my holiday tradition.
We Wish You Baby, A Merry It's Cold Christmas Outside 🤝 not going until you get some
producer: what’s the new christmas song about? guy who wrote jingle bell rock: ok, so you know when you are riding your jingle horse to the jingle hop? producer: what the fuck
[first day as a shepherd] boss: where are you going? me: [pointing] star boss: what? why me: [shrugging] baby
[first day as a shepherd] boss: where are you going? me: [pointing] star boss: what? why me: [shrugging] baby
it’s so funny how the new harry potter show is as close as possible to the movies in every single way - to the point that they’re reusing the music and sets - except two of the characters are now black
last minute halloween costume idea that will probably get you waterboarded: the witch that killed charlie kirk
cold email: hey 😎 are you looking to level up your bookkeeping with AI? it’d be super cool to vibe on a quick call: virtual ☕️ on me! follow-up email: guess my email was in your spam 🤔 but it’s not too late haha follow-up to the follow-up: KILL MYSELF??? you wouldn’t care if i was dead. admit it.
one thing that i guess is kind of implied about home ownership but should really be spelled out directly in specific detail is that sometimes you may find a ceiling light full of liquid and it becomes your job to solve That Mystery
they should just let george santos do whatever gremlin crime shit he wants. we need this
so crazy to just be living every day through the slow motion car crash of escalating fascism and it’s still like. aw man i have to go to the dentist
there’s something so beautifully American about our democracy’s last line of defense being coronary artery disease
there’s something so beautifully American about our democracy’s last line of defense being coronary artery disease
love your work mrs theranos but how do you walk into this
doctor: congratulations, it’s a beautiful baby boy. what will you name him bobby moynihan’s mother: BOBBBYYYY MOYNIHAAAN
holy shit bro. they’re interviewing subway jared on the fart brothers podcast. he agreed the kid stuff was “a bummer” and now they’re all taking turns trying on the Big Pants. so proud of these boys
kirkland signature would be a beautiful name for a baby boy