A local barber (who’s a cut above the rest) is found choked to death with their phone. Suspicion falls on Morton Shallows’ ordinand, disturbed that the town’s surplus steak and kidney puddings might threaten the annual cheese festival.

A young entrepreneur with unfathomable insight is found frozen in an ice cream van. Suspicion falls on Swarf End’s plucky gnome weaver of beribboned lavender wands, worried that the annual papadum eating competition might threaten a farting controversy at the darts competition.

A socially-inept Mastodon bot developer is found dead from government austerity measures. Suspicion falls on Bishop’s Itchington’s scarecrows, worried that the decline in newspaper reading might threaten to interrupt the Miss Potato and Lamb judging.

A sinophile information superhighway exponent is found dead in a Judas chair. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Mere’s misunderstood mailman, angry that a tarot reading using an ancient deck of tarot cards might threaten dairy yield.

A former journalist is found dead at the hands of clerks. Suspicion falls on Torpenhow’s ballet dancers, confused that pig farm effluent might threaten trout fishing.

An infamous chanteuse is found infected by a novel coronavirus. Suspicion falls on Ford Florey’s financially-embarrassed aristocrat, disturbed that unconventional musical notation might threaten societal collapse.

The village thurifer is found dead inside a washing machine. Suspicion falls on Kingswood Country’s duck-call society, disturbed that a museum dedicated to an obscure local poet might threaten near-lethal levels of tweeness.

An underappreciated archivist is found booted into eternity. Suspicion falls on Wookey Hole’s witch, disturbed that a growing number of mysterious deaths might threaten the return of the Microsoft Office paperclip.

An engineer who believes he’s also an expert in virology is found with a Louboutin stiletto through the heart. Suspicion falls on Lickfold’s Tae Kwon Do club, upset that an alarming decline of peat bogs might threaten the return of the Microsoft Office paperclip.

A software developer who deploys changes on a Friday is found electrocuted on a model railway. Suspicion falls on Badger’s Drift’s Stitcher Society, worried that a Hercule Poirot-inspired dance troupe might threaten traffic chaos in Causton.

A former supermodel turned antivaxxer is found poisoned with toxins in the moisturiser absorbed though the skin. Suspicion falls on Fag End’s strawberry-pickers association, angry that the opening of a high-end wine bar might threaten the end of privacy online.

An unexpected visitor is found dead from horrendous Bluesky burns. Suspicion falls on Upton Snodsbury’s genetics society, upset that a plan to sell off the mansion might threaten 16 more murders.

An undernourished locavore is found as an exquisitely scented candle made from human tallow. Suspicion falls on Morton Shallows’ daguerreotype club, disturbed that bad takes by Quillette might threaten to reveal long-suppressed family secrets.

A chilled out yoga instructor is found pinned to the wall like a butterfly in an entomology display. Suspicion falls on Devington’s MILF, deeply concerned that cryptocurrencies might threaten the end of the crochet society.

A geneticist is found immured. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Tor’s discordant barber-shop quartet, confused that a proposed zoo might threaten to end the price fixing scheme of the local florists.

A retired astronaut is found entombed in a large croquembouche. Suspicion falls on Bushygap’s bagpipe club, obsessed that efforts to curb industrial pollution in the town might threaten the very future of liberalism.

A local violin maestro is found crushed in a wine press. Suspicion falls on Minge Lane’s newly formed Flat Moon society, obsessed that competition for parking spaces in Sainsbury’s might threaten caravaning.

The village’s bespectacled creationist is found with the head bashed in using Cybele castration clamps. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Spoonworth’s angry old-age pensioner, confused that a commercial tea shop might threaten societal collapse.

An overpaid HM Revenue & Customs worker is found with a tent peg driven through the head (Judges 4:17-21). Suspicion falls on Midsomer Vinae’s dowager, worried that a growing number of people who can read and think clearly might threaten to make cows think things that normal cows don’t think.

A local critic of contemporary architecture is found shot six times by a man on the run. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Oaks’ bowls club, disturbed that failure to wear face masks might threaten reruns of Are You Being Served.

A ballroom dance instructor is found bored to death by formulaic TV series. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Newton’s tea leaf reader, confused that pig farm effluent might threaten a rare plant found on the cricket pitch.

A digital content person is found dead after taking insufficiently diluted homeopathic rabid dog saliva. Suspicion falls on Shitlingthorpe’s microbiologist, worried that the sale of dogs online might threaten what little sexual tension the town has left.

An entirely forgettable sociology professor is found bitten to death by a big white cat. Suspicion falls on Upper Warden’s bagpipe club, obsessed that a commercial tea shop might threaten traffic chaos in Causton.

A local mayor is found dead beneath a sabotaged parachute. Suspicion falls on Cooper Hill’s hyrlîan team, obsessed that a new library might threaten the weightlifting regime of local ministers.

An overpaid HM Revenue & Customs worker is found dead after a tragic masturbation ’accident’. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Deverell’s manager of a local tiger sanctuary, obsessed that Cuban music might threaten the closure of Midsomer’s borders.

The local end-of-the-world street preacher is found mauled by a rabid badger. Suspicion falls on Rough Riding’s angry old-age pensioner, confused that Latter-Day postwomen might threaten to tell the vicar who his parents really are.

A dystychiphobic cyclist is found buried alive. Suspicion falls on Monks Barton’s Association of Argentine Tango Dancers, angry that the discovery of a valuable musical manuscript sold cheaply at an auction might threaten the annual cheese festival.

A recently unemployed employment agent is found stabbed during a brothel scuffle. Suspicion falls on Little Upton’s Stitcher Society, disturbed that badly-written antivirus software might threaten to ruin their sleepy town.

A sinophile information superhighway exponent is found roasting on a rotating spit. Suspicion falls on Mt Buggery’s nerd, obsessed that aliens might threaten to make cows think things that normal cows don’t think.

An anal bleacher is found as a stunning new exhibit at the Museum of Human Disease. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Worthy’s financially-embarrassed aristocrat, confused that changes to the mix of botanicals in the local gin might threaten agricultural exhibitions in the country.