Tessera

Mr. Bitch

@mrbitch.bsky.social

Mr. Bitch is the inescapably-popular main character of a series of children's books bearing his unfortunate name. Created by https://bsky.app/profile/bpbigg.bsky.social. Found also here: https://mrbitch.cfw.me/

86 Posts84 Follower 1 Folgt

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2d ago

This is kind of embarrassing. No way in hell is his head worth all this effort mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/65/

Bring Me The Head of MR. BITCH

A mob, led by two stately noblewomen, is storming the gates of a tall stone keep. Atop the keep's highest parapet stands a malcontent Mr. Bitch, awaiting his fate

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 6d ago

Not that you ever would, of course. Perish the thought. mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/64/

There's Simply No Helping MR. BITCH

A collection of well-dressed people are skiing down a pristine snowy hill with a picturesque village in the background. Mr. Bitch is buried in the snow, with only his awful nose peeking out of the crust

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last wk.

As if anyone would ever believe the word of a no-good Mr. Bitch!! But I'd better bury you alive just to be sure mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/63/

MR. BITCH Doesn't Leave Well Enough Alone

A desperate man dressed not entirely unlike a pirate, right down to the knife he clutches in his teeth, is in a room of a wealthy-looking household, furtively withdrawing some manner of rolled parchment from a small strongbox. He is looking with agitation over his shoulder through the open window, through which the perennially-unwelcome Mr. Bitch is peering

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2w ago

It's a three-drink job. Minimum. mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/62/

Pondering The Failings Of MR. BITCH

A smartly-dressed young woman sits alone at a table located in some kind of crowded nighttime plaza, one finger to her lip in thoughtful contemplation. Mr. Bitch is not in evidence, thank heavens

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2w ago

Whatever. mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/61/

The Irrelevant Enormity of MR. BITCH

A true parlor-room drama is playing out before us, with two women entering via hidden passages stage right AND stage left, and two attendant gentlemen both trying in vain to keep them hidden as a scandalized local potentate looks on. Mr. Bitch stands outside on the veranda, huge and unimportant

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3w ago

Wait, why am I even vocalizing this like there's any question about it? Die for me, beast mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/60/

It's You Or Me, MR. BITCH

A nefarious ne'er-do-well is peering menacingly into a house through a window while a storm rages around him. Just out of view, a square-jawed, two-fisted hero type awaits, two fists held at the ready like loaded pistols. Mr. Bitch stands beside him, ready to die

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 4w ago

Chestnuts roasting on an open Bitch mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/59/

MR. BITCH For The Holidays

A shy older man wearing a monocle and a tuxedo shyly holds the hand of an angelic little girl in front of a decorated Christmas tree. Hanging from the tree are several wretched little Mr. Bitches

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 4w ago

MISSIVES FROM THE BITCHLORD: The Mr. Bitch backlog is currently dry because I've been doing other stuff and because I don't respect Mr. Bitch enough to make him a priority in my life. There will be new Mr. Bitches when I feel like it

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last mo.

The conclusion in the case of Who Did Away With The Parson will have to wait because everyone in the room is obsessed with how Mr. Bitch smells EXACTLY like "ham that got confused". mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/58/

A Devilish Secret Is Brought To Light But The True Weight Of This Revelation Is Rendered Utterly Meaningless Due To The Completely Uninvited Presence Of The One And Only MR. BITCH

An austere detective stands next to a shocked woman, clearly prepared to deliver his final reasoning in a mystery, but the woman is almost entirely obscured by text and Mr. Bitch is standing right at penis-height.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last mo.

Just a heads-up: my main account, @bpbigg.bluesky.social, caught a three-day suspension for an extremely anodyne post about 9/11. It would have been funnier if it'd been for all the areola posts but you can't have everything. See you on the 17th

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last mo.

Now, I don't like to think of myself as a violent man. But if that rascal should ever darken our doorstep again so help me I will pick him apart like a Maryland blue crab and dig out such meat as can be found mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/57/

MR. BITCH Is No Longer Welcome In These Parts

An outdoorsy gentleman poses outdoors sitting on a rock. Standing on the rock and leaning against the gentleman is a young boy, presumably the man's son. At the man's feet is a sleeping medium-sized dog. In the man's arm is cradled a long-barrelled rifle. Mr. Bitch is nowhere to be seen, if he knows what's good for him.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last mo.

Do yourself a big favor and search up "gone with the wind bonnie death" on Youtube. I want that to happen to Mr. Bitch at 100X speed with knives involved mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/56/

Long Odds For MR. BITCH

An annoyed, ostentatiously-dressed older gentleman with a top hat and well-coiffed beard is speaking to a jockey next to a horse race track. In the background, a precariously-balanced Mr. Bitch can be seen on a horse

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last mo.

I'm getting reports that I'm Mr. Bitch

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · last mo.

Nobody has ever deserved service less. I hope you're allergic you little tapeworm mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/55/

Wait Your Turn, MR. BITCH

A flower vendor is assisting a female customer with her purchase from his streetside flower stall. To the left, a peevish Mr. Bitch stands impatiently, like some kind of bastard

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

This is like the cover of an album that restores your virginity when you listen to it mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/54/

Echoes Of MR. BITCH

An illustration of a beautiful rocky mountain valley at sunset, with the rocks and trees colored a warm orange. In the center hovers the loathesome semi-transparent image of a miserable Mr. Bitch.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

This isn't fair. At the very least Mr. Bitch ought to inspire revulsion mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/53/

Uninspired By MR. BITCH

A woman with high red hair in a very fashionable black dress adorned with a flowing pink scarf is reclining morosely on a sofa. In one hand she is holding a wrinkled piece of paper, upon which is an image of a wrinkled Mr. Bitch

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Don't just STAND there you little reprobate mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/52/

MR. BITCH Shirks A Burden

A solidly-built man of dour visage and top of hat is bent under the weight of a heavy trunk he's carrying on his back. Nearby, Mr. Bitch can be seen being utterly useless, as usual

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Hurt him! Hurt him!!!!!!!!!!!! mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/51/

MR. BITCH And The Intense, Painful Aversion To Radio Waves

A woman is fiddling with the knob on a large old-timey radio, a girlish smile playing across her face. Next to the radio, Mr. Bitch appears to be in the throes of agony

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

We're here at last. Fifty Mr. Bitches. My Christ, how many more could there possibly be? mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/50/

MR. BITCH Deserves This

An old-timey baseball batter is winding up to take a devastating swing at a swiftly-approaching Mr. Bitch, who is hurtling through the air at high speed and will surely be killed on impact, to the delight of thousands

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

This is so sad. "Gamey" doesn't even begin to describe his flavor, he's pointless to stuff & mount, and don't even get me started on how worthless his pelt is. mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/49

MR. BITCH Is Hunted For Sport

A frightened Mr. Bitch is running amidst croquet hoops while a smiling man and woman several times his size regard him with predatory leers.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 2mo ago

Essence of fuckshit mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/48

This Is The Last Time I'll Tolerate Your Inane Japery, MR. BITCH

A long-bearded, bald-headed scientist is in his lab surrounded by chemistry equipment and is examining a vial containing some manner of clear liquid and a tiny upside-down Mr. Bitch, who is clearly in another mess entirely of his own devising

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

For the last time: no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/47/

MR. BITCH Sucks

A woman with elegantly-coiffed hair, a handsome evening dress, and many pieces of jewelry is bearing a tray of buns, coffee, and other refreshments to her husband, a choleric gentleman in a smoking jacket who is sitting moodily at a writing table. In one of the glasses is a small, pathetic Mr. Bitch

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

So long forever!!! Don't write!! In fact don't so much as think of me!!!! mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/46

The Euphoric Abandonment of MR. BITCH

A beaming young woman in full crisp riding outfit complete with leather boots, red jacket, and hat sits astride a white horse, riding away from a clearly-oblivious Mr. Bitch, who is facing away from her looking at some kind of seaside golf course.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

[looking in the mirror] Jesus Christ. It's worse than I thought. I'm Mr. Bitch.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Keep your woes to yourself, fucker mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/45

Spare Us The Sob Story, MR. BITCH

A tiny and sad Mr. Bitch stands between a rooster and a hen. The birds dwarf the pathetic Mr. Bitch

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Wriggle, worm mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/44

The Flaccid Equivocations of MR. BITCH

An uncomfortable Mr. Bitch stands in a spotlight before an imposing stone statue of some kind of judgmental lawman

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

duel_of_the_fates.ogg mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/43

MR. BITCH Confronts His Nemesis

On a pristine mountain cliff overlooking a lightly-populated picturesque valley, two titans square off: a perfectly-normal brown-and-white dairy cow, and one Mr. Bitch.

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 8mo ago

Ah fuck. I'm Mr. Bitch

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

Well, there you have it. Mr. Bitch has resumed his station. Congratulations you sad little fuck mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/42

Of Fucking Course We'd Find You In Some Shit Like This, MR. BITCH

On a snowy road, a well-dressed man in a fur-trimmed coat and dapper hat is laying into two fearful tramps and Mr. Bitch with his walking stick

Mr. Bitch @mrbitch.bsky.social · 3mo ago

It needs to be perfectly crystal clear: this is a last resort. This is an act of pure desperation. We made terrible mistakes in evaluating the virtues of Jeremiah Q. Bones. mrbitch.cfw.me/comics/41

Things Didn't Work Out With The Other Guy For Reasons We'd Prefer Not To Get Into

We Can't Believe It's Come To This, But We're Going To Ask These Two Men If They Have A Line On

MR. BITCH