I'm "quirky" (i.e. I should probably be more medicated than I already am)

They all believe they're fucking the butt. Whole time, the booty's fucking them 🍑💦 #ancientproverb

!!!!

All I'm saying is my pretty little mouth wants to swallow all your hot cum 🤤 Which is to say, how's your week going? 👉🏿👈🏿

Exactly 😤😡

We talkin bout butt sex over here, 🥷! Whole ass full o' dick.

You never realize how high you have to be to leave the house until you've already left

Quality Dick Rating (rated on overall skill, rhythm, duration, & mutual satisfaction): 1) Nonbinary lesbian 2) Cis bi+ woman 3) Transbian 4) Trans man NOTE: This is based on my personal experience with a total sample set of 4 people.

I wish people would get off my dick about all the silly shit I say so I could finally get around to saying all the truly problematic shit that's on my mind 🤪

Is it gay for men to have personalities?

What day is it? New episode day! This week learn about The Biz with longtime favorite guest @mxdahliabelle.bsky.social. We’ve got a timely PIP:IOP, some Sex Bits, and more Shit Daniel does. Also ARKANSAS, are you out there?! I heard you have the only diamond mine in the USA? polyamateurhour.com

Are Millennials the last generation that mixed crushed up over-the-counter pills with cough syrup and stolen alcohol to get high by pouring potentially lethal concoctions into our assholes while listening to Ben Folds Five?

Is it rude that I refuse to gaze lovingly into my cats' booty-holes when they present them for inspection?

From cum rags to riches, bitches 🤑

I think Instagram is trolling me now. Back-to-back (all puns intended)

Last month, I embarked on a sobriety journey. Sorry if I've been unhinged. I'll never try to be sober again 🫠

As a BIOLOGICAL woman I refuse to be called "cis" because I'm trans.

My partner's been watching Jailbirds & I made the mistake of asking what pruno is. They explained it's prison wine fermented in a plastic bag. But never one to leave well enough alone, they suggested we try whipping up a batch with "pussy juice to aid in fermentation."

Remember that time South Koreans rose up and arrested their president because he tried to incite AN INSURRECTION? Be like the South Koreans! 🇰🇷

My partner's been watching Jailbirds & I made the mistake of asking what pruno is. They explained it's prison wine fermented in a plastic bag. But never one to leave well enough alone, they suggested we try whipping up a batch with "pussy juice to aid in fermentation."

My DMs remain a disappointment. Every day it's another female sex bot group chat and not a single unsolicited dick pic 😩

I'm waiting around at the SF airport & just saw a flight attendant strolling full speed in 6" heels, and yes, her legs could strangle a bison to death.

I wonder... Would a person get charged extra for renovating a broke down motel room?

I just realized the key to being a successful woman in comedy is to be hot with ADHD (I think I'm joking 🤔)

As gay as I am on either side of the gender divide, only as an adult has it really sunk in how I chose the wrong activities for catching dick in high school. I chose all the extracurriculars people *said* were gay.

Why, when moving, is there always a marble in one corner?

Of all LGBTQIA+ communities, I identify most with gay, queer, and bisexual men because I like to have fun, listen to dance music, and go outside

Monosexuals can't be trusted. They'll fuck anyone who meets their gender preference. #GoldStarBisexual

I can't even begin to express how betrayed I'd feel to start a relationship only to find out my partner's only capable of being attracted to one gender. YUCK! 🤮 #Don'tTouchMe

"Would you [...] for a gazillion dollars?" posts always crack me up cause, bruh, people out here committing whole ass genocides for a quick buck. What makes you think I won't smoke crack and suck a dick to pay this month's rent?