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The News-Harpoon

@newsharpoon.bsky.social

"Democracy Dies If You Stab It"

18 Posts3 Follower1 Folgt
The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 8mo ago

“We had reason to believe that those little girls were plotting attacks on our brave American warfighters, and we took decisive action to make sure we completely incinerated as many of them as possible.” tinyurl.com/2j72747u

Hegseth: Iranian School May Have Been Harboring Iranian Schoolchildren - The News-Harpoon

WASHINGTON - Department of Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Thursday that an Iranian school destroyed by the United States military may have been harboring Iranian schoolchildren. Speaking to ...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 9mo ago

“When people think of me now, they’ll say ‘wow, Ghislaine was the best at trafficking women!’ Not just girls, women,” she said. “That’s how I want to be known, as the best.”

Offended Ghislaine Maxwell Demands Credit for Adults She Trafficked - The News-Harpoon

BRYAN, TX – Nearly four years into her 20-year prison sentence, child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell demanded Tuesday that she also be given credit for the adults she trafficked. Speaking from her p...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 10mo ago

“It’s long past time to show the public these papers,” said Senator Adam Schiff (D-CA). “Americans deserve to find out who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.”

Congress Votes to Release Naughty List - The News-Harpoon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The House of Representatives voted Thursday to force through a resolution that would compel the Department of Justice to publicly release the Naughty List. Public pressure to unsea...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 11mo ago

"The turkey, identified only by the mononym 'Gobble,' was pardoned Tuesday as part of the annual White House turkey pardon ceremony. Gobble was also granted clemency for a series of criminal convictions including tax fraud, extortion and racketeering."

Turkey Pardoned by Trump Arrested for DUI - The News-Harpoon

RALEIGH, NC -- Just days after a lavish ceremony at the White House, a turkey pardoned by President Donald Trump has been arrested in North Carolina on charges of driving while intoxicated. The turkey...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 11mo ago

"Deploying to major cities including Chicago, Los Angeles and for some reason Charlotte, DHS leadership described the operations’ goal as seizing and detaining criminal currency that 'doesn’t look like it belongs around here.'"

ICE Tasked With Rounding Up All the Brown Coins - The News-Harpoon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the wake of the discontinuation of the penny, the Department of Homeland Security announced Monday that ICE will soon begin rounding up all of the nation’s brown coins. Deployin...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

“In this time of crisis, we need a chairperson who believes in our party’s shared vision for the future,” Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) said in a Monday interview. “That vision being, of course, to sit quietly in the corner and watch while Republicans fuck everything."

Democrats to Appoint New Senator to Cuck Chair - The News-Harpoon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Responding to plummeting approval ratings for party leadership, Senate Democrats announced on Monday that they will move to nominate a new ranking member for occupation of the Cuck...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

"Gesturing broadly to a fleet of ten thousand bulldozers, Trump emphasized that what this nation needs is 'more luxury entertainment space', and less of 'whatever Rhode Island is.'”

Trump to Oversee Demolition of East Wing of Nation - The News-Harpoon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that he has ordered construction crews to begin demolishing the East Wing of the United States. The project, which will renovate eight states...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

"The app is designed to appeal directly to the often-underserved market of people who have $20 or more, Singh said. 'Any consumer will be able to go on their phone, go to where apps are sold, and then give us $20 to have it.'”

New App Lets You Join It For $20 A Month - The News-Harpoon

SEATTLE -- Heralded as a bold and innovative step in software development, a new app from Amazon will allow users to sign up to use it for $20 a month. Amazon told shareholders this week that their ea...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

"The Thompsons told adoption agents that they don’t see a productive future partnership with Tristan, and feel that the newborn failed to adequately adjust to the culture and values of their household."

Parents Give Up Child for Adoption Citing "Bad Culture Fit" - The News-Harpoon

AUSTIN, TX -- Texas couple Jack and Marie Thompson have parted ways with their week-old infant son Tristan after determining that the child was a “bad culture fit” for their family. The Thompsons, bot...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

“We could tell she’s a smart one, but she has really blown us away with how precocious and class conscious she’s been,” said Octavio Herrera, Rosa’s father. “Not only can she see that trade unions have disappeared — she knows they’re still out there somewhere, even when we cover her eyes.”

Leftist Infant Simultaneously Develops Object Permanence, Class Consciousness - The News-Harpoon

IRVINE, CA - Medical professionals and members of the proletariat were left stunned Thursday when a local leftist infant was found to have simultaneously developed object permanence and class consciou...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

"Thiel, a powerful voice in the tech industry and a festering host for future generations of tech company minds, reportedly chittered with glee as a wave of horrid spawn erupted from his skin pustules before skittering off into the city to launch startups."

Peter Thiel’s Egg Sac Ruptures, Releasing Hundreds Of Scuttling Tech Founders - The News-Harpoon

SAN FRANCISCO --  Rising from his nighttime pit of slime and viscera Tuesday morning, tech industry leader Peter Thiel’s engorged egg sac ruptured, sending hundreds of tech founders scuttling through ...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

"The event, which definitely occurred already without you, featured numerous prominent speakers who weren’t that big of a deal, so you shouldn’t worry about it. In fact, it probably went better without you being there, honestly."

Gaslighters Convention Held Yesterday, You Missed It - The News-Harpoon

LIKE RIGHT DOWN THE STREET -- The 4th Annual American Gaslighters Convention was held yesterday and everyone was there but you, according to reports from all of your friends. The convention, which was...

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The News-Harpoon@newsharpoon.bsky.social · 12mo ago

“They say that greatness is not for the chosen few. It’s for the few that choose it,” he said, lobbing a tear gas bomb into a nearby jungle gym. “That’s the kind of mindset I’m about, bro. Philosophical type shit.”

ICE Agent Does It For the Love Of the Game - The News-Harpoon

LOS ANGELES - Speaking amid a growing wave of violent incursions into civilian businesses and gathering places, ICE agent Connor Johnson told reporters Friday that he just does this “for the love of t...

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