“So your new carol is just eight verses of you demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility.” “That’s right.” “And it’s called We Wish You A Merry Christmas?” “Yes” “Buts it not really about Christmas is it? It’s mostly about figgy—“ “—figgy pudding yeah.”

Debating chamomile vs. peppermint with another herbal tea enthusiast and we both keep drifting off into a peaceful slumber

God: and when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you Me: what about when I saw a hundred sets? God: that’s when I turned into a big centipede

I always ask how old a dog is and I never have any idea what to do with the information

You're laughing? A piano fell on my head from a great height and now my teeth are piano keys and you're laughing?

Saddened to hear of the passing of Geeble the Men In Black worm. I worked with Geeble years ago on an ad for dog worm tablets, I was new to the industry & nervous, but he made me feel at ease with a big pot of coffee and a friendly “Zabika Za Gwatta”. I never forgot that.

my father always told me 'dreams are dangerous', i think because his father died in a pillow factory explosion.

Historian: it’s simply not accurate to portray Roman gladiators in-between fights ‘going on their phones for a bit’ Ridley Scott: how the fuck would you know

MY FIRST SUBSTACK PLS SHARE IF U LIKE IT ETC -bz open.substack.com/pub/zafarcak...

We Ranked Liquids By How Bad a Day You’d Have If They Leaked Through Your Bag

One of the first things you learn in screenwriting is if a character moves from a small town to the big city, you must have them step into the road and almost get hit by a loud, honking car

When I was a kid, I told my class I dreamed of being an actor. A bully laughed at me and told me I was too ugly. Today, after years of hard work, roadblocks and struggle, I finally managed to hit that bully with my car. Don’t give up x

I wear an ornate locket around my neck, and sometimes I'll open it up and stare at a picture of an older, different locket I used to have.