I just know after that phone call I’m going to get CC’d on an email with “invoicesplural@…” or “InvoicesWithanS@…”
Your Tuesday shirt keeps matching my Tuesday shirt. The least autistic one between us is going to have to change their routine.
Shout out to AI Videos that realized all you have to do is put “this video is not ai” at the front of your obviously fake video for people to no longer be suspicious
I really hope Charlie Kirk keeps showing up in AI prompts because in ten years we might get a horror movie about this
“Hey what tax rate are you using because it’s changing every month” Open up my inbox later to “🤷”
Forgot I made someone keep paper copies of their records because they wouldn’t stop annoying me. Good times.
Don’t share your location. Share your battery percentage with me. Much more personal.
Wikihow article lied to me. Said you could just turn down a promotion and not get lumped into meetings with your boss’s boss’s boss asking why you aren’t accepting it.
Streamer Desperate for Views Present “Shock Collar Minesweeper”
All these milquetoast writing prompts. Give me a story and find away to incorporate a tragic self suck accident.
Leftist youth pastor be like “Let’s stop talking about our problematic age gap and instead talk about this problematic wage gap.”
Hate movies that guess people’s passwords like it’s plausible. I have a different password for every site. One of them starts with “CapitalJ” because I thought it was funny no personal meaning behind any of them.
Hooking someone up to a polygraph and saying “whew my dogs are barking” to see if their heart rate spikes
Bakers be like: this is the worst thing since sliced bread
Time traveling to the past. “Yeah we built a ship that went to the moon… no we still clap to determine how many syllables are in a word.”
Walking into the American Squid games saying “Scared money don’t make money” before getting my head blown smooth off.
I have reset my energy bill password every month for two years instead of writing it down.
There’s only one sports movie left for Will Ferrell to star in
Shout out to all the dyslexics I work with avoiding my deadname through poor phonics
People using AI sex bots wondering why someone real doesn’t immediately want to have sex with them after messaging hey
Sitting in the DMV seeing commercials with Mamdani in everything but devil horns in a state nowhere near NY.
Where are you supposed to look when two people are yelling at each other during a meeting? Because there are exactly 60 tiles on the ceiling.
Goes through my mind everytime I help someone through a messy breakup
POV in a DnD campaign full of furries when something didn’t work: “How now brown cow?”
Do not release a bunch of fireflies in the house for mood lighting. Your partner will not find it romantic.
Oh they’re allowed to but I try to make grunge music the old fashion way and all of a sudden all of the people closest to me are sitting in a room holding a piece of paper
Buying things that are brightly colored so I don’t loose them as easily but. Now all of my belongings are brightly colored so I can’t spot them.