I care so little about movies I’m gonna use them to level my hockey rink.

The Extreme Teen Emmys.

It’s so interesting spending the morning at the FBI and the afternoon at the Library of Congress, how few government employees want to talk about the news of the day.

We live in a time when social media is well understood to be the thing that destroyed the fabric of our civilization. What was that for Rome? Germans? Whatever the thing was that destroyed Rome, social media turned out to be that for us.

Seattle likes to tear down things to build worse new things. It’s one of the ways that we distinguish ourselves from Portland — which was always too shabby to tear anything down, so they just left everything and now it looks amazing.

There’s a cabbage patch. There’s a baby.

J: We’re both Generation X. K: And yet.

My daughter and her cadre all are very fascinated with the 90s. And yet not interested in me telling stories about the 90s.

The Library of Congress was burned by the British in 1812, and then it burned again just because it was sad.

He was just doing something I’ve tried to do my whole life, which is just sit around in cafes until the CIA comes and tries to talk to you and say, “What are you doing here, and would you like to do some extracurricular work for us?”

The more upper class you get, the more completely awkward it is to talk to someone.

It’s so strange to have nostalgia for not only a time you weren’t alive, but for a job you would never conceivably have. I would never have been a U-boat captain, but they sound so merry.

He should have been living in a house made of ice and sawdust with a bunch of appliances that he’d made himself and animals that could talk.

I am available to be the figurehead CEO of your startup and make a very hilarious case for the product. Just don't ask me to build it.

I don’t know how all this elementary school sorcery works.

Her brand is not liking waterfalls.

It was a really well-designed machine to take money from people.

That’s a really well-grounded take on it: that you’re the problem.

If you follow that virtuous process, you make sure the right people have a voice at the table and not just the people with the money and the power.

I can imagine, having been to Edmonton a couple of times, that to walk around Edmonton with a Louis Vuitton bag would be the same as walking around Edmonton in a prom dress.

Somebody’s designed a system to put you in a state where you feel very comfortable separating yourself from your money.

I don’t understand why the world doesn’t see America as the hero of the 20th century.

I’m in my mid-to-late 50s and still keen to go up and down the Nile.

Jon: You’re worthy of libraries in Washington. John: Hell yes, we are.

Social media produces almost nothing of value except for where futurelings congregate on the internet.

I don’t know if Forbes has any other purpose other than listing the rich people of the world.

Take that, people who want a better cut of meat.

Nothing is going to make me want to start a steel mill more than a desire to have revenge against a Scottish aristocrat for excluding me from his birthday party.

The particulate that fell down would burn the paint off the hoods of their cars. And that’s how the mothers knew: don’t play when it’s raining soot.

This story starts out with a UFO sighting, and then gets really weird.