Football fans shouldn't be allowed to have ideas

I think I can name everyone he has ever slept with

Dudes snoozin

Telling a drunk father at your neighbor's BBQ that he looks like Dustin Pedroia is basically the highest compliment you can pay a man

Googling "how to sleep"

Someone's never had an editor!

This thing will be launching nukes by Friday

Top 3 "Worst Places to Crash Your Car"

You know it smells crazy in there

Swifties

"Well, I've made my bed, now what? Sleep in it?"

The land of Stephen King

Packers fans are like "Sell the team!" Buddy, that's on you

Critics rave "Adequate"

2026 New York Giants

It's not a penthouse; it's a penthome

A team so committed to failure that they screwed up naming a puppy

Death, taxes, and the Washington Football Team destroying skinny QBs

I said Moby Dick and they kicked me out

Everyone is always like "Don't explore the ancient ruins! They're cursed!" No one is ever like "Hey, thanks for planning a really interesting day trip!"

"This game is a love letter to fans of the Wolverine character" Have fun, freaks!

Gotta let 'em know who's comin'

If I'm ever hunted by a legendary hitman in a Russian bathhouse, just kill me. I will NOT be fleeing through the adjoining nightclub in a towel.

My favorite team, The Charlotte Sheckers

Hundreds topple to their death when asked to look under their seats

This was the week everyone went "Marketing? Wuz that?"