I like how vigorous masturbation counts as steps when I wear my smart watch on my left wrist.
Get Off Furrily
@ph-allocentric.bsky.social
INTP, if you believe in that shit. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. I dare not police your pronouns. I hate misogyny with a hot hate. 🦣 I am vain—re-post at will.
My face is pink from the sun and my thighs are pink from the tub. I’m visiting my brother and he has the deepest tub I’ve ever enjoyed, and plenty of hot water. I haven’t had such a hot-deep soak since the apartment that had a clawfoot tub. That was 1999! I wish my big friends were here to enjoy it.
There must be a fifty-year cycle for crotch bulges. Sometimes it feels like the seventies are back.
Cucktober. Ducktober. Sucktober. Fucktober. Sacktober. Dicktober. Cocktober. Slicktober. Shacktober. Snacktober. Docktober. Socktober. Schlocktober. Spocktober. Spooktober. Shooktober. Slicktober. Shucktober. Slacktober. Macktober. Decktober. Flecktober. Drecktober. Hacktober. Hicktober. Hucktober.
My brother likes to give me new foods to try. He handed me something that looked like a Slim Jim and had me eat it. After a few bites he told me it was bear meat. Spare me your puns. Or not.
Hung guys make the best cocksuckers in my experience. (Or maybe I am just more excited when a hung guy sucks me, being an inveterate size-queen.)
My screen-name du jour, Get Off Furrily, is one I used to sign on to AOL. I was proud to find a pun that fit the 14-character limit.
This is one of my oldest digital photos from back when digital cameras cost 900 dollars—but there were still internet startups that had no viable business plan so you could buy said camera for $450. Anyway, presenting my dick and balls, ~25 years ago.
Introduce yourself with five artists you’ve seen at least twice The Roches Shawn Colvin Varla Jean Merman Charles Busch Julie Wilson Musical-theater-cabaret gay...
Hairy Gut@hairygut.bsky.social · 2mo agoIntroduce yourself with five artists you’ve seen at least twice A Day to Remember Biffy Clyro James Linkin Park Manic Street Preacher
How was your weekend? Mine was great. With @alphabeastkifaru.bsky.social
I’m not losing my memory, I’m being more selective in what I remember
Screen names I have considered, continued: Daddy Just Relax Into It
Pro tip: don't look at your phone when you're doing mirror-selfies
Looking at my current sex life through a transactional lens, it seems I'm cashing-in those ten-thousand blow jobs I gave in my twenties.
If practicing for 10,000 hours makes one an expert, it’s why I’m good at knitting and sucking cock.
”I've had worse things in my mouth.” ”Honey, at our age, I'd be worried if you hadn't.“
My dick-shaft skin has gotten looser through pumping; I can almost bate without lube. Not a bad circumcision job, but I wish I could have kept those thousands of nerve-endings they cut off.