So apparently you can win just ONE POUND on the lottery these days. As I've just found out.

Stubbed my two whilst rushing around earlier to put my trainers on but I was going to be late so I just told myself it didn't hurt, took a deep breath and carried on. It actually worked?

Why did the vet give me a fisting pad? Was he flirting?

My baby is home and not impressed with his new accessory 😭 thankfully the surgery went well 💚

I am currently part way through several chores, two holiday searches and looking for a dick to suck. Why can't I just complete one task at a time

Going on a girls trip in April to Marrakech and the RYANAIR flights are £352 !?!??!¡!!!£?£!£!* WHAT

I only go here for the mirror 🪞

I love how my vet (in Stoke Newington) asked if I had a LAUNDRY ROOM I could shut Achilles in at night. Maybe I should be flattered she thinks I look like I can afford a house with a laundry room in N16 😭😭

Just LOUDLY involuntarily groaned at the gym whilst eeking out a last rep. I'm so sorry everyone 🫠

I'm just going to start replying "AI slop" to emails and see what happens

It's so muggy 🫠

Train ticketing and trains in this country are so fucking bollocks. I need to get back to the midlands this weekend for an emergency but it's either a million quid or takes 72 years.

Maybe people should spend more time telling awful people to not be a cunt whilst they're alive rather than telling people off for pointing out how fucking terrible they are when they're dead???

Is this week over yet

Carrie Bradshaw Smoking

ALT: Carrie Bradshaw Smoking

static.klipy.com

How do I get big juicy veins

Can I work from sofa? 🫠 #mcm

Can I work from sofa? 🫠 #mcm

staring into the abyss of the fifth heatwave this summer so far

Tits out for the girls ✌🏻

Wanna go to Tarragona but only like Ryanair and easyJet fly to Reus 🫠

Defend my butt? From whom? Baby, destroy it xx

Tits out for the girls ✌🏻

I don't wanna see any fucking Lewis Goodall on my timeline

Can't wait until I'm old and retired and still choose to do my weekly shop on a Sunday.

Don't you just love the day after leg day when your quads just randomly decide to give up

Achilles has his op on Wednesday and the vet is like "he has to rest and not jump on furniture etc.". Like sorry, how does one stop a cat from doing that? Achilles jumps onto the top of doors 🫠🫠

Always sleeping at the gym 🥱

We've had such a hot summer that it's 26°c today and it doesn't feel particularly hot 🫠

I need to be sat in the park smoking a lil cig

Sorry that Kylie challenge on Down Under was so BAD. Also really weird judging again???