Some days I want a super long wizard beard that I'm grateful not to have on other days. Imagine if I could pop my beard in and out like Wolverine's claws. Heeheeheehee~ that would be so weird

I am indifferent to butts, except for the pure joy I get from thinking the phrase "that's a fat dumper" to myself whenever I see one. I just love those words~

I learned about haskaps about 2 months ago and since then I've seen at least 3 people say "I love haskaps they're my favorite fruit that has definitely always existed" (paraphrasing) I'm on to you, haskap agenda

It feels like people here have no spatial awareness. I think I'll ask the people having a conversation in front of the bathroom towel dispenser what they think about that.

I dreamed that I had a whole bunch of unopened packs of Magic cards and then I woke up and it turned out I didn't actually have any. Devastated. Now I'll never know what I got 😥

When I make reference to my asexuality I like to say "because of my condition..." as a lil joke~ But judging by the way it seems to provoke a lot of very earnest reactions and affirmations from my friends, maybe I should stop doing that. But thanks, friends 💖

I got my silly dice for DCC! The d7 is an affront to god! 💖

The straight people were out for the fireworks again tonight - Bless the unconscious man for clearing enough room for me to finally get on the subway. I hope someone finally responded to the emergency alert. He wasn't even the one who bled on me!

I wish I was big and thicc. And if I was, I would say "Now I am big and thicc. Good." Idk I'll figure the rest out when I get there.

He has a hard life

Last night in the woods I think I saw a Mothman or maybe a Termina Moon (At Tonga Lumina)

I wonder if there's anybody in the world called Penelope, but it's pronounced "Peen-loap" and they're super tired of people saying it wrong

Montréal has something going on all the time.

There's a fireworks show so the gay village is full of straight people saying World Cup things and having babies and one of the babies looked at me.

My dog wasn't eating yesterday but this morning he's doing the "I'll eat but only if you're watching" thing. He's adorable but I am also late for work 💖

I wish I could trade episodes of From for more episodes of Widow's Bay

Ugh another day of lifeslop

Babe I'm at the store you want some of that Super Crack?

How do I befriend these crows without seeming too desperate?

That was some good-ass sleep I tell you what

Ugh people bothering me in stores to hawk a loyalty program when I'm CLEARLY in the MIDDLE of lip syncing to Golden

I just found Alyson Hannigan's crafting content on Facebook and it makes me so happy, so I thought I'd share it www.facebook.com/share/r/1BRE...

As a millennial I was misled by the media into believing that if I went into my basement and attacked rats with sticks I would eventually become wildly strong and maybe learn fire magic. I'm not getting that time back.

In Marvel Rivals Cyclops can use his optic blasts to propel himself backwards and I think that's hilarious - The opposite force should be pressing on his eyeballs. It would probably just break his neck and then his head would flop around blasting everything like a kinetic fire hose.

If you go to where the rainbow ends you find a bombed-out KFC. HAPPY PRIMMUTH

Aw, my dad just told me my tarantula Mrs. Perkins passed away. She was at least 24 years old. I'll always remember her for how she occasionally moved. 🥲

Had a great weekend with these two gents at the Dead by Daylight 10th anniversary event! @hauntedcosplay.bsky.social @rottenartist.bsky.social

Me: Ugh it's so oppressively hot today Also me: Time for a nice cup of tea

To the gnat that just rammed directly into my eyeball and is probably stuck in my skull somewhere now: I hope you know that I didn't want this

Thinking about how my British parents taught me to call flip flops "thongs" and then sent me out into the Canadian public school system. Child abuse?