Anyone who's ever wanted to sleepover in the dementia wing of a nursing home because their mom keeps attacking residents who she believes murdered her parents would be jealous of me tonight.

I love how customer service always asks "Is there anything else I can help you with?" even after they were no help with the initial thing

Today marks the two year anniversary of me winning the grand prize in the Emerging Screenwriter's Animation Competition. They say you should celebrate these things. So here's the email they sent that day. For the record, that is not me. #scriptsky #screenwriting

Every time I ride a rollercoaster in Wildwood New Jersey, there's an implicit understanding I'm fine with dying in Wildwood, New Jersey. @wildwoodnj.bsky.social

Frozen banana slices with a smear of chunky peanut butter have fast become my favorite anytime snack.

This lady at McDonalds is trying to tell me that the SPIDER-MAN BRAND NEW DAY happy meals are not available in the united states, only in the UK!!! WTF?? Can that be true?? I thought this was America, bro!! WE LEAD THE WORLD IN FAST FOOD PROMOTIONAL TIE-INS!!! 😡

It's decided. I'm gonna name my first son Lanyard. That's gonna look so fun on a lanyard.

Some people say I'm overly dramatic but if that's true then may god have mercy on us all

Store cashier whenever I say I don't have a rewards card:

#DisclosureDay asks the question "How does the existence of aliens affect religion?" But to me the bigger question is, "Who the fuck cares how the existence of aliens affects religion?" #filmsky

I don't think it's fair to say I do my best work under pressure. I do my only work under pressure. #scriptsky

I loved To Catch a Predator so much I based an It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia spec on it. That script went on to become a finalist for the Nickelodeon Writing Fellowship #scriptsky drive.google.com/file/d/1z4uL...

Phil Lewis@phillewis.bsky.social · 4mo ago

The new teaser trailer for “Primetime,” A24’s upcoming film that stars Robert Pattinson as Chris Hansen of “To Catch a Predator,” is out

There seems to be a point in every screenplay I write where I stop and say "Wait. When did this become about me?" #scriptsky

They say "write what you know" well, dammit, I know what it would be like if Santa Claus were a crime fighting vigilante. #scriptsky #scriptsky+

prepay-blue.bsky.social@prepay-blue.bsky.social · last yr.

When it comes to fighting crime, one man is gifted. SANTAMAN: REGIFTED. Winner of the 2024 Emerging Screenwriters Animation Screenplay Competition and Most Viewed/Most Downloaded screenplay on the 2024 Naughty List. #An #Fea #4Q #Cwin #SeRe #screenpit

I really should do more traveling, what with my own mortality and all.

This is not a man. My brother saw him building a nest under the Lincoln Center fountain.

"Colin, this is the third time this month you came in late." Me:

selling this Radio Shack electronic chess board at a yard sale tomorrow. Batteries included. They're dead but they're included.

I should root #Phillies, but my heart is with the #RedSox these days www.officialstuntlist.com/ballers-list...

Finally got the new issue of Dystopia Digest

I own only one a bottle of cologne and it's Black Panther by Marvel. Everyone agrees it's probably just an old, re-labeled bottle of Drakkar Noir. I call it "Noir Panther." #comicsky

Cleaning out one of my mom's old handbags, I found two separate reminders about what time Everybody Loves Raymond comes on.

I think most people would be surprised by how much of our volume at Fedex is electronic cat liter boxes.

I like to think Jesus is about to clunk their heads together

His face can be a reminder of why you wanted a passport in the first place #trump

Best part is when Bud pulls Costello's skin off #currentlywatching #moviesky #filmsky #horrorsky #themummy #leecronin

How is AI supposed to take over the world when it can't even figure out how many arms and fingers we have

I have the mutiny scene from Crimson Tide memorized and ready to perform on demand. More people should take advantage of that. #filmsky

Wow AI customer support is so bad it makes me miss overseas customer support

I'm over 50 years old and I have yet to see a document be successfully faxed.