Ben: You ever wear eye black as a kid? Caleb: Oh, I've got a great story about that! Ben: Great! But can you tell a super dumb one first? Caleb: KAY!
Jose Altuve makes another successful trip around the bases. Which is crazy, when you think about it. Do you know how far that is for him?
Why couldn't Dan Shulman just put his kid in piano lessons like everyone else?
Oh sure, but if I sue Vladimir Guerrero Jr for my pain and suffering, suddenly I'M THE BAD GUY?? EXPLAIN THAT ONE TO ME SORRY FOR YELLING
Nice tip of the cap from the offense, on Kevin Gausman's last start as a Blue Jay, scoring two more runs than they normally score for him.
Movie idea: A reboot of Face Off. Starring Shane Bieber and Brendon Little.
Hope that Beiber trade goes through before this inning gets out of hand.
Like...he's still Mad Max and all but now what he's mad about is teens loitering.
I know you can't win a baseball game when you score zero runs. Okay? I know that. However... You also can't win a baseball game when you use Brendon Little.
No offense but why would I take hotdog advice from a fella who thought it was a good idea to use Jeff Hoffman in Game 7 of the World Series?
Say what you will about the Rays. But they seem to have a vested interest in winning baseball games. And I admire that.
There aren't too many rooms that Joe Siddal couldn't absolutely suck the life out of but his whole thing about how if Myles Straw hustles, he might get traded to a good team, thus playing himself out of this hellhole, sent me into freefall.
Like...I'm positive they're not even trying. Fuck every single one of them.
Doesn't matter how much we're losing by, bringing Brendon Little into the game is downright disrespectful to the 40,000 fans who came out to support this nightmarish abortion of a team on a Monday night.
I say this with love but there's not a single one of these guys I wouldn't flick a lit cigarette at.
If I could offer one piece of constructive criticism to Jeff Hoffman, it would be to fuck off.
I guess if Joe Carter and Cito wanted to kiss for a bit, that wouldn't be the worst thing.
Kelly Gruber looks like your fun uncle who's still in a band but is never asked to babysit.
At what point do we think John Schneider pinch hits Myles Straw?
Wow! Christopher Sanchez becomes the 6th Dominican born player to start the All Star Game. The first since Roy Halladay!
Guy singing O Canada has the energy of a fella who lost a Philly bar bet, prior to the game.
OH MY GOD WE'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR MADISON TO GET A SHOT IN THE BOOTH AND THEY STUCK HER WITH THE FUCKING NEPO BABY
Having these two teams square off against each other, at the jewel that is Oracle Park, is like getting a bad case of diarrhea at Carnegie Hall. Sure, it happens but what a shame.
Myles Straw understands how to get batters out. He's had a lot of practice.