are americans actual stupit? cracked n goat wan ae they air cons. swear doon its makin ma room HOTTER. wan side wis broke straight oot the box n noo its blastin oot heat. tied a bin bag roon the bad end, other sides daein fuck aw. shite machine man
As a trans woman, my “9/11” was renting shoes at the bowling alley
Trashy Knicks fan nicks Knicks can; gets canned, fined; Knicks can fine
Instead of negging, men should flirt with positivity. Dating would feel so much safer if men tried to get me “pozzed”.
It’s time we stop pumping chemicals into the pools our children swim in. Thank you President Trump for introducing my family to the Natural Pool lifestyle. #MAHA (And yes—The woke neighbor is triggered 🤣)
“Men are such perverts,” I say as I clock out of my job where I serve coffee wearing a bikini, which is not a pervert job to have
The NBA Finals would be a lot more interesting if the ballboy accidentally inflated *Jalen Brunson* instead of the ball. And they dribble him up and down the court while the cheerleaders giggle 😂 Ope, three pointer!
Actors in commercials are so funny. Imagine whoring out your craft to dupe poor people into buying cars they can’t afford.
(“CATCH A PREDATOR” BUT FOR BISEXUAL GIRLS CAUGHT MEETING UP WITH YET ANOTHER MAN) BUTCH DECOY: Be back in a sec! Just finding that Lacan translation haha CHRIS HANSEN: Why don’t you get sat.
If a “boobs guy” was woman he’d be a “balls guy” woman 🤡 Only ASS MAN would get to like cocks
Someone just asked for directions to a hospital 🤡 I was like, Take a right into “App Store”... when you see “Google Maps”, proceed straight into the “Download” button !
As a trans woman, I empathize with AI artists. To have one’s hands scrutinized for signs of, “a fake” ...
We have OnlyFans. Why can’t we have an OnlyFRIENDS, for those of us interested in *platonically* whoring our bodies out for money?
BlueSky should automatically give you the same number of followers as you have on Twitter
As a linguist, I find Star Wars intolerable. Yoda’s English proficiency is easily CEFR C1. You’re telling me in 900 years, no one ever pulled him aside to be like “Hey man, just a heads up, we kind of do Subject-Verb-Object actually” ??
You are not a true writer if you have ever showed another human being a “work in progress”
“Blue is the 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘵 color”? Maybe in the warped mind of a lesbian teen
If I hear someone use the term “directionally true” -- I astral project away to do whippets in CandyLand with this lady
I love when someone claims to have “realized” they are poly. What? “Ohhhh I have the fat slut gene”
You are presented with 10 buttons. On those buttons are the numbers 0 thru 9. You are invited to press 10 buttons (repeats are allowed). At the end, you may press an 11th button (green). Exactly one sequence causes your mother’s phone to ring. Did you press that sequence today?
Wild that these things have largely disappeared, and yet “segway into [a topic]” has become a permanent figure of speech meaning “transition into a topic”.
Once a year, they should have a special broadcast of the president randomly pressing one of 50 red buttons, where one unknown button = nuclear launch. Imagine the parties most years
sexy as hell when someone’s oppression is low key the only thing they got going on 🤤
There should be a DoorDash to “deliver” YOURSELF to somewhere
