If this drought gets any worse, pretty soon you'll be able to see the wreckage of the plane that crashed into the river in 1997.
River Side Casino
@riversidecasino.bsky.social
The Midwest’s Best Casino On This Side Of The Hoover River Slots, table games, golf, luxury spa, sweat lodge, ball pit, dining options, concert/convention center, and some other stuff. Definitely haunted. Contributors: https://go.bsky.app/4yomz8H
The New Testament is quite clear on this: always split when you are dealt a pair of 3s.
Please be nice to Carol in reception. Her parents released a sex tape.
It’s a great day to call in sick and go to a casino.
★ review "The manager made us look after his pregnant dog." - Warren D., Bristol, TN
There are no questions about bestiality on our employment application forms.
Fair warning: we have cameras everywhere. Some are for your safety, some are for security, and some are because we're trying to find out who keeps stealing the GM's moustache combs.
No, the job listing for Dish Washer Washer is not a mistake. Our dish washer Jerry gets very dirty and needs some serious scrubbing after work.
Is it just us, or does EVERY casino have that one employee who keeps being questioned by police about the car they pulled out of the quarry?
The ancient scrolls have foretold of a wise and wondrous buffet customer who doesn't complain about the quality of the crab legs
River Side Trivia: We buried a time capsule while constructing the casino. It must never be unearthed.
Slipknot wrote and performed our new jingle. You got a fucking problem with that?
People seem confused by the random cards we use to combat card counters, but it’s quite simple. An Uno Reverse card means you can switch seats with another gambler, and if you find an Old Maid card while playing blackjack, she’s 6-1/2 points.
This is Lucky, the River Side Casino chatbot. Do you have Labor Day plans for Labor Day? Working? Shopping? Barbecuing a meat? We are open if you are not working or shopping or barbecuing, which some people call BBQing.
No matter what happens with U.S.-Canadian trade relations, we will always cherish our visitors from the north. Except for The Guess Who. They know why.
For $25, Mitch McConnell's ghost will give you three sure-thing sports betting picks.
The escaped Cirque du Soleil acrobats living in the woods are operating the creepiest petting zoo.
Carlos Mencia can't make it tonight but someone will be here to read his jokes.
There’s something off about the photo booth set up by the feral cats but we can’t get an employee brave enough to check it out
Now hiring for the following positions: - sausage vault security - danger clown - moat monster apprentice Apply today!
It's Back-To-School season at River Side Casino! (some of our blackjack dealers are still struggling with math)
We’re not sure if it’s a baby with an old man’s face or an old man with a baby’s body. Either way, the fourth floor is off limits until further notice.
Our VIP hosts are happy to answer any of your concerns about the ridiculous idea of quitting gambling.
People often ask why the coat check room is full of feral cats, and that’s a question only our new head of security Princess Nibbles can answer.
In honor of the late, great Tim Curry, our theater is screening Legend, Clue and Stephen King’s It. Just the first half though. The second half really goes downhill, though that is not the fault of the late, great Tim Curry.
If you meet our new blackjack dealer Mark, please don't autograph his copy of Catcher In The Rye.
There’s one thing that’s not lazy in our lazy river and that’s the Cryptosporidium
Due to the recent highjacking incident, we’re no longer offering hot air balloon rides.